Kristaps Porzingis Wiped His Nuts All Over The Foreheads Of Team Serbia This Morning

Look at Godzingis bringing the fucking pain on Serbia like he was the Ottoman Empire during the 15th Century. What a sequence! KP played the role of the kid that looks 3 years older than everyone else in elementary school rec leagues. That kid was always on the yellow team for me growing up. It didn’t matter what sport or kid it was. Yellow must just make people look bigger, stronger, and faster. Weirdest shit ever.

Anyway, it was great to see our unicorn out there bounding and astounding. I didn’t get to watch the whole game because work and dad duties took precedent. But Reags (who has been doing a great job covering Euro Basket 17) watched the entire game and said Porzingis played the 5, had the offense running through him, and was making it rain through pick and pops. What a novel concept, huh? If only the NBA was a jump shooting league. If it was, then a 7’3 glitch with the ability to shoot threes and protect the rim would be worth his weight in gold. Wait a minute, that’s exactly what the NBA is. Why do the Knicks suck? Maybe it’s because they don’t have a player that transforms into another matchup nightmare when you move him from the 3 to the 4 or put him in a sleeveless hoodies. Okay I’m starting to get angry. Time to take a deep breath, #StayMe7o, thank God we didn’t trade Porzingis, and try to forget the last 3 seasons of triangle bullshit.

And shout out to Euro Basket 17 for allowing Americans to enjoy some early morning hoops during the work day. Knicks fans in particular get to indulge since the Zen Master pretty much made an entire Euro Boyz rotation at MSG. We have Slick Willy AKA El Conquistador on Spain, Kuzi on Lithuania, and of course our beloved little unicorn on Latvia. I’ll be ready to watch next time he plays.

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…Oh yeah, Serbia went on to win 92-82.