It's A Fucking Outrage That Yesterday Wasn't A National Holiday

(Disclaimer - I am still in a bodybag from Vegas this weekend. I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. I used to be able to go for days and weeks at a time, full tilt, and bounce back with a few hours nap on a plane and some Revitalize. Not anymore. Ever since the hiatus that covid lockdown made me endure, I've turned into a wimp. Sorry I am just coming back to life after a sinus infection I picked up in Vegas nearly killed me yesterday.)

If you aren't on twitter, you probably have no idea about my weekly segment that Nate so graciously allowed me to have on his weekly Barstool Radio show, Nate at Noon, on Fridays. Since Dave is a hater and banished Nate's show (that he tried to prevent him from having in the first place) to the outer galaxies of the internet (off the official Barstool Youtube Channel for some asshole reason), it's unlikely you've seen it if you're not on twitter.

But it's been great. 

One of the things it allowed me to rant about last Friday afternoon, was how outrageous it is that the day after the Super Bowl isn't a national holiday. What's even more assinine is how President's Day, as arbitrary a holiday as they come, hasn't been moved to coincide with this. 

Clearly, because our politicians hate us.

Laugh. But it's true.

Hear me out on this. because it is a saga of missed opportunities so glaringly obvious that it could only be sustained by the bureaucratic brilliance that runs this circus we call a country. This is something so simple, yet such a criminally overlooked proposition of moving Presidents' Day to the Monday after the Super Bowl. Because, apparently, making life even a smidgen more bearable for the masses is a concept so foreign it might as well be from Mars.

This isn't just a football game anymore; it's a de facto national holiday, a sacred Sunday where millions of Americans willingly subject themselves to hours of gridiron battle, punctuated by snack breaks and commercials that cost more than a small island. What was at one time another championship game, has evolved into a world wide spectacle. The Super Bowl is the epitome of American culture, combining our loves of sport, excess, and, let's face it, a good excuse to party. Did you happen to see the ratings on Sunday?

The most watched televised event since Stanley Kubrick's 1969 masterpiece! 

And that doesn't even take into account how many people were gathered at house parties and bars watching in large groups. 

And yet, in the infinite wisdom that governs our holiday calendar, we find ourselves schlepping to work the very next day, nursing hangovers and food comas, pretending to be productive members of society. It's like following up a majestic symphony with a kazoo solo. A glorious and joyous wedding, with a funeral. It's not just disappointing; it's borderline sadistic. 

Now, enter Presidents' Day, a holiday that, let's be honest, doesn't exactly stir the soul. Sure, it's a nod to the great leaders of our past, but ask the average Joe what they did to celebrate Washington and Lincoln's legacy, and you're likely to get a blank stare, or at best, "I caught a sale at Mattress King." It's not that we don't appreciate our founding fathers; it's just that, in the grand scheme of things, Presidents' Day feels more like a bureaucratic afterthought than a fervent celebration of presidential greatness.

The worst part? The average person thinks the date marks George Washington's birthday, but that's February 22nd, a date that the President's Day holiday rarely (actually) falls on. President Lincoln's is February 12th, which is why the holiday was chosen to fall in the month of February to begin with.

So here's a thought: Why not marry the two? Move Presidents' Day to the Monday after the Super Bowl and create a win-win scenario that actually makes sense. Imagine a world where you can enjoy the biggest sporting event of the year without the looming dread of Monday morning. A world where you can celebrate the legacy of our nation's leaders by actually having the time and energy to reflect on their contributions?

But no, here we are, stuck in a loop of tradition for tradition's sake, adhering to a calendar that seems more and more disconnected from the lives of the very people it's supposed to serve. It's a missed opportunity of epic proportions, a testament to our collective inability to embrace change, even when it's staring us in the face, wearing a foam finger and guzzling a beer.

In the end, it's not just about a day off. It's about recognizing the rhythms of modern American life and adapting our traditions to fit. It's about making our holidays meaningful, not just markers on a calendar but reflections of who we are as a society.

And let's be fucking honest with ourselves here, if there is anything that actually unites us as a country anymore, it's sports and the desire to not be at work. 

If I was running for office, no bullshit, this is one of the top things on my platform that I am campaigning for. (Along with term limites, making the once-every-four-year Election Day a mandated National Holiday, and campaign finance reform, but don't get me started.)

Until then, let's just continue to ignore logic, giant elephants in rooms, and schlepping along like the mindless drones we are.