The Bengals Made Joe Burrow The Highest-Paid Player In NFL History Roughly One Second After The Chiefs Kicked Off The 2023 Season Against The Lions

I gotta say, I respect the shit out of the Bengals for keeping their rivalry going with the Chiefs by waiting to announce this news until riiiiiight after the game got going in Kansas City and having Goodell punching air. The whole Burrowhead thing may have blown up in Cincinnati's faces. But it's a new season, which means you have to look for every advantage to tweak your competition against the fellow big dogs by throwing some noise into the mix during their Super Bowl season opener on Thursday Night Football. As an Old, I remember the Cowboys and Niners doing shit like this back in the 90s and it made football somehow even more fun. So good on the Bengals for "coincidentally" announcing this just like when A-Rod opted out of his contract for free agency during Game 4 of the 2007 World Series right in Bud Selig's eyeball.

As for the contract, this was the most obvious re-signing ever that not even Mike Brown would dare screw up, even though you know he won't be able to sleep for the next five years while thinking about paying any player $55 million a year. Now the Burrow deal resets the QB market, at least until Patrick Mahomes wants to reset the reset by redoing his lowkey weird superdeal which will then pave the way for whoever the next great quarterback to clear $60 million at some point while running backs are hoping to make tree fiddy. Nonetheless, Burrow is the perfect combo of talent and cool that will be worth every penny for the Bengals as long as they keep him healthy.