The Knicks FINALLY Waive Joakim Noah

*Loads gif*

HEY JOAKIM NOAH…

I don’t know what I did in life that allowed me to watch Ereck Flowers AND Joakim Noah get released by my teams in the same week, but I am going to continue to do the exact same thing and see if the Wilpons end up sinking in quicksand or something. What a glorious day for Knicks fans. Phil’s Folly is finally out of our lives and will clear out some future cap room, even though Noah gets to eat off of the Knicks for a few extra years and do weird Joakim Noah shit. Whatever. That deal was a “so bad it’s funny” contract before the ink dried and we knew we were heading to this day sooner or later, even if I never would have thought even in my most pessimistic state that Noah would play less games as a Knick (53) than millions of dollars he signed for (72). The NBA summer of 2016 is truly one of the most remarkably outlandish things we will ever see.

Now I’ll admit part of me wanted to keep Noah until he became willing to give back a bunch of money because fuck him and if he didn’t do it, Coach Fiz could just play him Thibs minutes until either his will broke or his body broke (his body would have been a -2000 favorite in this scenario). I want this to be the last season the Knicks tank in my life or at least the next decade and Noah being on the floor would all but ensure a Top 3 pick.

However, the Knicks can’t afford to be a circus this year. We have a definitely not 7 foot, former MVP, reigning 2-time NBA Finals MVP to impress. You can’t have Joakim Noah doing Joakim Noah shit on or off the court and reminding everyone that the Knicks have been a clownshoe organization for pretty much the entire 21st century. I’m already scared of what that buffoon Dolan may say or do to hurt our chances. Plus you don’t want a team full of young, impressionable players watching an ugly dispute between the front office and a player that has noooooo problem speaking his mind. As much as I am enjoying the Jimmy Butler drama, I thank God my team isn’t the one turning into a bigger, hotter, brighter dumpster fire by the minute.

The one sad part of all this is that I’m pretty sure the Knicks are no longer a #Superteam now that Joakim has been released. May they RIP In Peace.

Lets remember Joakim’s best moments as a Knick

Oops, those definitely weren’t highlights. Here are Noah’s highlights as a Knicks, which not surprisingly took place very far from any basketball courts.

As for the exciting part of the story for all other basketball fans (except T’Wolves fans), lets see what Thibs thinks about potentially reuniting in Minnesota with Joakim Noah.

You are trying to tell me that Thibs doesn’t want to add the heart and soul of those Bulls teams as Jimmy Butler loses his mind because his teammates don’t care about winning enough? That quote is exactly what someone who wants Noah but doesn’t want anybody to know he wants Noah would say.

This is how I think that whole conversation went down.

Source: Hey Tom, do you want to add Joakim Noah to your collection of ex-Bulls?

Thibs: No

*Both hang up phone*

Thibs:

WE ARE SO CLOSE TO IT HAPPENING!!!