Burglar Gets Busted After Getaway Truck Gets Stuck In Giant Pile Of Shit

Source -  A bungling burglar in Minnesota was nabbed after his pickup got stuck in a large pile of foul-smelling manure during the getaway, according to reports.

Matthew Bloomquist, 29, of Hawick, Minn., was found standing on the side of the road, smoking a cigarette, covered in manure from his waist to his feet when deputies arrived to investigate Wednesday morning, according to Stearns County Sheriff Don Gudmundson.

“He was wearing jean shorts over long underwear and no shoes, which the deputies assumed were somewhere in the manure pile,” Gudmundson said Friday in an incident report titled, “Something doesn’t smell right.”

Deputies said Bloomquist was caught snatching lumber and other items from a farm shed in Maine Prairie Township.

Bloomquist’s rap sheet included a 2012 burglary conviction and two arrests for possession of burglary tools, the St. Paul Pioneer-Press reported.

“The trip to the jail was made with the windows open,” Gudmundson said, adding that the deputy’s patrol vehicle still reeked as of Thursday.

Let’s take a look at the suspect, twenty-nine-year-old Matthew Blomquist.

Not a looker. I could sit here and roast him about this but I’m not going to. To quote President Trump, “There’s plenty of subject matter there.” Instead, I’m going to take the high road and focus on the crime because this is a level of white trash you don’t see too often. Not only did he steal the tools, I’m assuming (based on his photo) he stole them with the intent to fund some sort of meth addiction. Which is trashier than an episode of Hardcore Pawn featuring Tonya Harding on steroids.

But that’s not even the best part; the best part is that he tried to get out all night, then just gave up and started smoking butts covered in shit. I almost respect it. I mean based on photos it looked like he earned the cigarette. Wood all over the place, truck half-submerged. The guy was busting his ass to get out of there.

Too bad it didn’t work out. I keep thinking of that Chris Farley scene in Tommy Boy where he gets hosed down by Rob Lowe, but the cops didn’t even hose him down after they caught him. They just threw him in the car.

Yuck. Hopefully he got some sort of delousing powder to help with the germs. Otherwise it’s going to be a long couple days for prisoners in Maine Prairie Township.