Bike-Sharing Apps May Have Taken Over China But Thank God I Don't Have To Deal With Cyclists

Biking is probably the most common form of transportation around Shanghai as well as China as a whole. It originally became big back when the city had limited public transportation and cars were way too expensive for the common folk but recently it’s made a resurgence for a few reasons.

1. People have realized it’s a faster mode of transportation than this.

2. Almost every street has clearly marked bike lanes that are separated from car traffic by some sort of barrier

and 3. BIKE SHARING COMPANIES HAVE TAKEN OVER THIS FUCKING CITY.

Its absolutely insane. I left China for a year and when I came back every sidewalk on every street was filled with a god damn kaleidoscope of competing Bike-Share companies. Now this isn’t bike sharing like they have in the US. In the US when you use a share-bike such as CitiBike in NYC, you can only pick up and drop off the bike at docks which are located on specific blocks around the city.

In China, on the other hand, you can pick up and drop off your bike….drum roll please….. WHEREVER THE FUCK YOU WANT!

Here, let me show you how it works:

Now if you’re expecting this to be a hit piece on bike-sharing, you’ll be sorely disappointed. Yes, they have made Shanghai’s streetscapes look like a bonafide clusterfuck and some long-time residents aren’t exactly thrilled

but I find them pretty convenient and will hop on from time to time when the thought of sitting in traffic makes me want to vomit. Not to mention, they are unfathomably cheap.  Ofo, the company I use, costs 1RMB(0.15USD) per hour. They raised $700 million earlier this year and reached “Unicorn” status with a valuation above $1 billion but they’re gonna need a BUTTLOAD of bike rides if they want to start turning a profit. Especially when competing companies constantly steal and vandalize their competitors bikes.

However, despite this share-bike revolution completely transforming the streets of Shanghai I am relieved and thankful to announce that I never have to deal with cyclists . How is that possible you might ask? Well, because there’s a big difference between a cyclist and someone who rides a bike. A cyclist is someone who lets riding a bike define their entire character; someone whose entire identity is centered around the fact they commute to work on a two wheeled vehicle. Needless to say, basing your entire existence on something so fragile can breed insecurity. Thus, when cyclists feel threatened they usually lash out and bad things happen. Sometimes someone even gets suspended from twitter for 12 hours. These are cyclists:

A bike rider, on the other hand, is just a salt of the earth citizen who needs to go from point A to point B so they can put food on the table; someone who rides a bike out of necessity or convenience and is comfortable enough with their Cycuality that they could give a fuck less every time someone chirps in with a “Cyclists Suck” take. These are bike riders:

I’d even go as far as to say this guy right here is a Titan of Industry:

So let me just end with this, my fellow bike riders, I salute you! Cyclists, stay the fuck out of China!