Trick Or Treat With A Legend

With Halloween upon us finally, I am resurrecting an old Ass From the Past that I always found to be either erotically creepy or perhaps creepily erotic.

It's Elvira- Mistress of the Night... A "hard pass" for most of the comment section, but I think she's pretty fucking fascinating...

Real name Cassandra Peterson, the now 70-year-old B-movie actress has hung up the beehive wig and low cut black gown that was synonymous with schlocky Halloween camp for over 30 years.

Here are some bullet points:

- Born in Kansas but raised in Colorado, Cassandra started working as a go-go dancer in a local gay bar while still in her teens… But really, though, who hasn't?

- At 18, she moved to Vegas to become a showgirl, and she had a small role as a dancer in the 1971 James Bond film Diamonds Are Forever.

(a young Casandra on the right)

- She lost her virginity to Tom Jones and said that she needed stitches after that encounter due to him being such an aggressive lover.

---- Side Note: No one has ever required stitches after an aggressive encounter with me… At the very most, a young lady might require a wet nap and possibly cab fare. ----

- She dated some loser named Elvis Presley for a brief time.

- Her character has appeared in dozens of movies, countless TV shows, 3 different comic book series, 5 video games, and also 2 officially licensed pinball machines.

- She has one daughter… Sadie Pierson, who is old enough (27) to post here.

Barry King. Getty Images.

- Cassandra/Elvira was scalded on over 35% of her body in a kitchen accident when she was one and a half years old. She said that she was teased at school over her scars and jokingly added that her Elvira costume "showed only the good bits."

- After multiple auditions, she was narrowly beaten out for the role of Ginger Grant on Gilligan's Island by Tina Louise, who I had a sock named after as a child…

And finally, I know Elvira pales in comparison to a lot of the cheesecake on this site, but here's the thing that I think sets her apart from some of the other actresses from my past… She's dumped them out before, having modeled in her youth for several men's magazines, such as High Society, Man's Delight, and Modern Man… And she did it in a time where shaving "down there" wasn't a priority.

Perhaps your idea of a good time isn't a pale 70-year-old burn victim with a stitched vagina and hairy bush, and I don't blame you, BUT I will go to my grave never seeing behind the curtain of other titular ladies from her era, such as Dolly Parton or Charo…  

Elvira was decent and desperate enough to let them fly on film, so full disclosure is never more than just a few keystrokes away, and for that, twelve-year-old Large thanks you, Cassandra.

Happy Halloween… And take a report.

-Large

If you don't know who Tom Jones is, go ask your mom (or maybe your grandma)… And then go fetch her some dry panties.

And I attached the Twisted History of Halloween to this blog so you can listen to something in the car while your kids run around town like fucking maniacs… Enjoy.

TAR

-L