Re-Inventing The (Changed) Wheel

Here's a little news- My son blew a tire this weekend.  

We bought him the car 2 weeks ago (used) and he hit a giant pothole that ripped his tire and bent his rim.

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Dammit!

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I was mad at first, but then I reminded myself that there are a LOT worse things that your kid could blow, I suppose.

"Don't let the son go down on me!"

In related news- I never taught my kid how to change a tire.

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Dammit! again.

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So now it is 1 AM on a Friday and he is on the side of a road in scenic Hackensack, NJ with ZERO clue what to do.

I had just fallen asleep when he called and the first thing I asked him was, "Do you have a donut?"

And he answered my question with a question, "What is that?"

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Dammit! another time.

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So my wife and I got up and headed off to Hackensack.

She grabbed a flashlight while I grabbed a roll of Bounty paper towels ("the quicker picker-upper") and a folding chair, and off we went.

On the 20 minute drive down, Annie asked me, "Why a folding chair?"

And I said, "I like to sit down."

When we got there, I opened the back of my son's car and, thankfully, there was a donut and jack in the hidden wheel-well below the trunk.

I asked his mom to throw on her hazards and position her truck in front of the side where I would be changing the flat in order to block oncoming traffic and provide me with some light from her headlamps.  And then I asked my son to get me the Bounty and the folding chair from the back seat.

"Why a folding chair, Dad?"

"Why the fuck do you think?… I like to sit down."

I lie down on my back and found a place to set up the jack, I start to loosen the lugs before I jack it up, and then I set up my folding chair.

It's one of those bullshit jacks you have to rotate with the help of the tire iron… Which takes forever.  But once it was up, the loosened lugs came right off.

My son's girlfriend then drove up to check on him, and this very respectful young lady said "Hello" to both me and my wife and then asked, "Why the folding chair, Mr. McCarthy?"

"I like to sit down, sweetheart."

Then I get the donut on as my son's girlfriend's parents drove up… They were at a restaurant and were basically passing by the scene on their way home.

I think it was her mom that asked me about the chair, to which I responded, "I like to sit down."

As I got the donut secured and was lowering the jack, a squad car stopped by and before the officer could even ask, I said, "The folding chair is because I enjoy sitting down, officer."

To which he replied, "Congrats… Have you been drinking by chance?"

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Dammit! one last time.

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Take a report.

-Large