An Ode To Hotel TV Porn, The Last Bastion Of A Simpler Time Before The Internet
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Large is down in Texas trying to see what type of content he can pump out of Big D, so we recorded this week's Podfathers and dove into hotel etiquette. Large likes to unpack as soon as he gets into his room. Not like take out his toothbrush and his computer. But fully unpack. I'm talking taking over the closets, the drawers, everything. It doesn't matter if it's a trip for a day or a week. The Big Man is taking everything out.
Well almost everything, because as we learned despite being the oldest content employee here at Barstool with the corporate card linked to his room, even the big fella isn't watching porn on the hotel TV.
Anybody who pays for hotel porn during the age of the internet where you can get free HD streaming porn on your computer, phone, or fucking watch is either a porn king like Pirate Simon, comically rich like Dave Portnoy, or someone who just appreciates when life was simpler like our guy Joey Langone. Back when I was a kid, there was no rush better than exploring the hotel. Simply finding the ice machine with that monotone hum, the pool area with the overpowering chlorine smell, and the game room with hopefully either The Simpsons, Ninja Turtles or X-Men along with either a Mortal Kombat or Street Fighter II was better than whatever activity you were doing that caused you to stay in said hotel.
But the real rush came when you got a little bit older, had hormones rushing through your system, and dabbled around the porn section the second your parents left the room after clicking SELECT on those awwwwwful hotel TV remotes that never work right swearing that you were 21 or older. You could never actually order the movies since they were comically overpriced and you couldn't explain why super forthright titles like this appeared on your bill:
Even the "Instructional" videos would be impossible to explain.
It was fine though, since our internetless imaginations could fill in the gaps if we needed to with graphics and titles like these.
However, once you hit a title like this with the BIZARRE disclaimer, you would hide under your hotel bed despite being even more
It may not be the cash cow it used to be now that we are heathens able to scratch the itch of every fetish we may have with the click of the fingertip. But I sincerely thank hotels for keeping porn around on their antiquated TV systems for those of us that remember a simpler time before wireless internet. Or they could still be raking in the dough considering everything we've learned about the profitability of pornography. Nonetheless, it reminds me of the good ol' days, which were lowkey the bad ol' days since this is what most people I knew would watch to scratch that itch when they weren't stuck in a hotel room with the raunchiest titles kept behind a $20+ paywall.
What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the parenting podcast I host! Also on this week's episode, we discuss:
- Is there free college in our future? (PLEASE GOD)
- Juggling your kids in Spring sports
- A know it all 12-year-old that graduated high school and college within a week of each other
- Large drops a rebukakke on a whole lotta things.
- Mailbag questions
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