The Bears Got Absolutely Mollywhopped
That's a picture of John Hekker and right now I think we can all agree he's the most dangerous man on the planet. I've never seen a punter take a game over like he did last night. Just an absolutely ruthless display of professionalism and polish as he continuously put the Bears up against their own endzone. All 5 punts ended inside the 20 with the following starting field positions respectively: 7, 1, 10, 6, 5.
That's good for an average starting field position inside your own 6 yard line. How the fuck is a Chicago Bears offense going to have any success when 5/10 possessions have 94 fucking yards to go. Absolutely impossible. John Hekker dragged his balls all over the Bears last night and we just sat around and took it. Incredible. Someone is probably lobbying for better special teams play around town right now but my personal opinion is that you can't do shit when the punter is in charge. That's when you know you're beat. They're carrying the punter off the field like Buddy Ryan.
What else:
- The offensive line was previously described this week as in the 15-20 range by NFL trenches expert Brandon Thorn. Apparently the big weakness with the Bears is quite literally their weakness. They just aren't that strong. But they have a decent mix of athletes that succeed at the 2nd level provided they can get there. Or something like that. Personally I'm not really sure because all we saw last night was a complete manhandling at the line of scrimmage.
- Cordarrelle Patterson on 4th & 1 lol
- I came in hot on the podcast about Mitch vs. Nick and maybe that's a little meatball of me but I stand by the fact that Bears Twitter would have revolted with pitchforks last night if that was Mitch in the box score and not Nick. I know that's a cynical take but 3 points from the offense is 3 points from the offense. I find it hard to believe that Mitch would be 3rd in line for last night's shitshow if all things were equal. But does any of this really matter if Matt Nagy is calling plays?
Answer: it doesn't. Matt Nagy simply can't get out of his own way. The fact I know that, objectively, along many other Chicago meatballs is enough of a sign that he stinks. My football strategy is on par with anyone who grew up playing thousands of hours of Madden through the late 90's and early 2000's. I bowed out once you had to start managing salary cap and all that dumb bullshit. Point is I'm grounded in the basics and nothing more, and even I recognize the overwhelming shortcomings in the way he calls a football game. I'm not sick because we're 5-2 and there's room to grow. But Nagy's play-calling blows.
- Bright side (again) we're 5-2 and Matt Nagy seems to still be a great leader of men and motivator and all that football guy mumbo jumbo. Big question in my brain is which do I prefer. The schemer or the leader? WHY NOT BOTH.
- I am a sucker for ignoring reverse line movement. Bears go +6 to +6.5 a few minutes before kick and I know that means whales in Vegas are dumping money into the Rams but I still can't help myself. I see the hook get added and I double down. I'm such a bum. Someone stop me.
- Great effort from the defense. Not much you can do when the offense can't give you a breather, and not much they can do when Johnny Hekker has Foles 3-stepping into the endzone. Pretty fucked up cycle.
- Great effort from all my guys across the Barstool Chicago community from homemade beefs to JP Graziano meatball subs to the GTLF's you guys sent me throughout the day. We gave that MNF game our very best fastballs and we got our shit rocked all over the ballpark. Sometimes that happens. Don't slow down though just because a bad primetime effort. Next time we get the bright lights, I want the same effort if not better. We got this shit.