If Nobody Shows Up To Your Kid's Birthday Party, You Are Probably An Asshole

On today’s show, we delve into the viral story that may or may not be fake about the kid who had 32 people no-show his birthday party.

I know you can say that maybe this kid is unlikable, or smelly, or nobody wanted to go to his party. And that could be true. But I think there is more than that. If you put this story and depressing picture out to the world, I believe that you are an asshole for one of two reasons.

Either:

A. You wanted the story to go viral and potentially cash in on other peoples sympathy in the name of good PR, which is no uncommon occurrence in 2018 (The Phoenix Suns were all too happy to take the bait).

or

B. You are an asshole and none of the other parents wanted to spend 2 hours of their life around you, even if it meant getting their kids the fuck out of the house while also chowing down on some free pizza and cake for your troubles.

Now poor Teddy’s name is written on the internet in permanent ink as the kid who couldn’t get a soul to his birthday party. What if a potential employer, date, or even college roommate Googles Teddy’s name in the future and sees this article? Nobody going to your 6-year-old birthday before the true Game Of Thrones level of the popularity contests begins is a huuuuuuge red flag. Now the kid will be fighting an uphill battle against his likability in exchange for some shitty Suns tickets that didn’t even cover the price of all that pizza.

The pizza tells me this was all a ruse too. If you invite 32 six-year-olds to your party and you only have one (1) cheese pizza as well as a pie with multiple vegetables, you are either a lying asshole or a regular asshole.

And that’s coming from someone who threw his daughter’s 3-year-old birthday party at the mall (we did Build-A-Bear and had a stack of pizzas taller than Zah, but I acknowledge it was still a poor person move that I was poor shamed for by Rich Guy Large multiple times today). Regardless of the reason why they are assholes, these parents are rebuked.

Anyway, we also talked about halloween coming up, discussed what type/size candy we give out on halloween, the Fancy Boys (Chaps and Large) poor shamed people (me) that eat oatmeal creme pies, and wrap things up with some classic Bedtime Stories.