Yeah You Could Say Things Are Getting Pretty Serious Between Me And Paulina Gretzky

Folks. Listen up. Things are getting pretty serious between me and Paulina Gretzky. It’s been a long time coming. She liked my PAULINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA comment on Instagram today. Pretty big move by her. Up until this point our relationship has been a unilateral communication*. It’s just been me weirdly screaming her name in capital letters on every scandalous post. But now she’s made her move. She’s made her intentions known. I’m not saying her husband (that’s #1 golfer in the world Dustin Johnson) should be worried but I’m not not saying he should be worried. I was a non-threat at the beginning of 2018. I was a fat slob with low energy. Now? Now I’m a slightly-less fat slob who has lots of energy. I’m now a formidable foe for her husband (again, that’s #1 golfer in the world Dustin Johnson). If you wanna believe in something, believe in the #EllipticalGangGangGang. It works magic.

*minus the time she said hello to me on Instagram live

PS- I’m almost positive Paulina had her 99 tattoo removed.