Boston.Com Love Letters - I Regret Sending The Nudes
My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about a year ago. I was still very much in love with him when we broke up, however he said “I don’t know what I want right now,” and that was the end of it. Months went by and I still thought about him and cared for him deeply. During this period, my ex’s friend started texting me. He was flirting and I wasn’t very interested but we talked a little. I was trying to be polite. Eventually he would pressure me to send nudes, but I refused. However, I made a terrible mistake and sent nude pictures one night because I wanted him to stop bothering me.
I know this was a stupid decision and I regretted it immediately, however I have always had a problem being coerced by men. I was not in a good mental state. I regretted what I’d done immediately and asked the friend not to tell my ex, and he said of course he wouldn’t. My ex and I became friends again and I expressed to him that I had strong feelings for him, however he made it obvious he did not want to be with me. He always said he was afraid of commitment.
Recently, we have been on good terms. We have mutual friends so we see each other. However I found out it’s all been ruined. My ex called me two days ago, angry because his friend had shown him my nudes. He said, “How can you say you love me and send my friend these pictures?” He also said he had feelings for me but now he’s decided we’re never getting back together. I apologized and cried so much, and he said “Everyone does things they regret; don’t worry about it anymore.” But I can’t stop thinking about it and I know I’ve ruined things. I am so genuinely sorry and I just want things to be right again. I don’t know what I was thinking when I sent the pictures and I regret it so much. I feel as though I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life. Is there any way I can fix this?
– Regret
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Meredith Hoss Goldstein’s Answer
You didn’t ruin anything. You were broken up, and you had every right to make decisions for yourself. You happen to regret that particular decision – but your ex knows that. If he can’t have empathy – and assume the best of you – he’s not someone you should have in your life. (And I hope his horrible friend is very, very much out of your life.)
Also, I hope you told him that he should take this up with his so-called friend. His friend is the person who should be ashamed. This man pressured you for pictures and shared them without your consent. He is the villain here.
– Meredith
Readers? Should she be thinking about getting back together with this person?
El Pres Answer
Wait a minute. Did Meredith Hoss Goldstein say the guy who received the nudes was the villain? Umm no sunshine. It takes two to tango. You want some real talk? Here you go.
Dear Regret,
I have some advice for you. Stop blaming your problems on everybody else. You didn’t get coerced into sending nudes. Nobody held you at gun point. You openly said you were flirting with this guy. You knew what you were doing. Nobody sends nudes to stop somebody from asking for more nudes. You know how you stop somebody for asking for more nudes? You block them or stop responding. Because once you start slinging clit it’s game over. You are on the fast tract to penetration. Everybody knows that. So yeah your ex’s friend is a scumbag but so are you. And no there is no way you are ever getting back together. Sending nudes to your ex’s buddy is betrayal of the highest order. That’s worthy of the death penalty in 17 states. It’s no different than sucking his dick in my mind. Oh boo hoo, boo hoo I didn’t mean to send nudes to my ex boyfriend’s buddy. Shut up ho. You didn’t make a simple mistake. You committed treason.
Pres