Ryan Braun Tries To Fuck With Jon Lester On The Base Paths, Does Not Work Out Well

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, then you know that Jon Lester is great at throwing baseballs towards home plate; not so great at throwing them virtually anywhere else. This was never really an issue during his time in Boston, but has since been completely exposed in Chicago.

What’s crazy is that, at first, runners weren’t taking advantage of Lester’s yips. The psychology behind that was presumed to be that a base runner’s brain simply could not comprehend that the pitcher standing on the mound couldn’t just throw over to first and pick them off. Guys were dabbling with taking huge leads, but were never doing much else beyond that, almost as if they thought Lester having the yips was some long con to pick somebody off eventually and they were that somebody.

Well, psychology be damned because Ryan Braun don’t give a fuck about all that. Last night, in a disaster of a game for the Brewers, Braun walked in the first inning and swiped second base before Lester could even think about throwing a pitch to the next batter, Travis Shaw. The first steal was a direct result of catching the Cubs napping. Lester wasn’t even looking, and the Cubs’ middle infielders weren’t paying attention. Even if Lester were fully capable of picking runners off, Braun would’ve stolen that bag uncontested.

But the next one? Careful there, Hebrew Hammer. Everyone was wondering how Lester’s plan to use one-hoppers in order to pick off runners would work, and uh. Ask Braun. Shit works. So let that be a warning to all you fuckers out there who wanna dick around on the bases when Jonny Lester’s on the bump. It ain’t safe out here in these streets.

PS — I would LOVE to hear what Javy Baez was chirping Braun with right here.