The Mets "Salt And Pepper" Celebration AKA The Indian Burn Handjob Is Going To Carry Them To The Playoffs

Like most Mets fans, I made sure to check my expectations when the season started. That’s just what you have to do when your team is the best Opening Day team in MLB history, have the God of Thunder taking the mound the first start, a Cy Young candidate pitching Game 2, an offense that can run scalding hot or ice cold, and the injury guillotine ready to drop at any given moment.

But after seeing the salt and pepper celebrations the first few games, I am officially all-in. I know Steven Matz didn’t look great yesterday, Matt Harvey is still an enigma, and the backend of the rotation has the chance to be an underperforming dog. But if you have a good team celebration, that kind of mojo can overcome almost anything. The Yankees took that goddamn Thumbs Down asshole to Game 7 of the ALCS last year. Why can’t the Mets take a rugged handjob motion to at least the playoffs?

I consider myself a pretty big juju guy and that celly is good juju city. How do I know this isn’t some flash in the pan celebration that will excite the whole fan base? They say good juju is like porn. You don’t really know it unless you see it. And the salt and pepper celly is a mix of both. Those guys are giving either the best or worst handjobs in the history of handjobs.

Whether its handjobs for ghosts with thin dicks that their girlfriends say “is a nice size”.

Ghosts with big ol’ donkey dicks.

Or ghosts with dicks of all shapes and sizes.

(AJ Ramos deleted this tweet but this Stoolie was nice enough to save it for me)

The Baseball Gods may be a mean bunch, but they love getting their rocks off just as much as the next set of Gods. Why would Mystique and Aura continue to hang around at the stadium a few miles north when the Mets are doing kinky hand stuff to ghosts every time they get a hit down in Flushing? Back in the day, people would say a catchphrase like “Ya gotta believe” and it would rally a franchise and a fanboys. But baseball has grown up since those days. In the words of the immortal Slim Charles “Game’s the same, just got more fierce.” And I would say fake handjobs is as fierce at it can get for 2018.

So I am calling my shot now like the Great Bambino. Link me to @OldTakesExposed or whatever you want. But this salt and pepper handjob motion is only going to grow as the Mets continue to win, become way too big, and inevitably become awkward once news anchors and peoples moms start doing it during the pennant race. The people that made the Shake Weight know what I’m talking about. Granted they are probably somewhere in the Maldives laughing their asses off that they became rich from a handjob machine. But Mickey Callaway opened the year by saying he was done with dry humping the bullpen. And now we have our offensive players cranking out handjobs after big hits. If that’s what it takes to win championships, I am fine with it. Lets go Mets. See you guys in the fucking playoffs cum come October.