Cheetah Jumps Into A Tourist Jeep And The Driver Looks Like He Soils Himself

I’ve long thought that I would enjoy a safari. You strap into a jeep and head out in the great unknown. Lions, cheetahs, and wild game galore surround you at every nook and cranny. You and your loved ones are listening to Africa by Toto while trying to recreate the vacation video that Kristen Bell and Dak Sheppard made. You’re getting frustrated because it’s not as good as theirs but let’s be real. They are professional actors and you’re not.

While arguing with your girlfriend Brandy, a cheetah jumps in the back of your jeep. Silently but aggressively, you shit your britches. The stupid little video you were making doesn’t seem as important now. After you make it out alive, you apologize. Brandy accepts so you try to give her a kiss. She pulls away. Is she still mad? “Are you mad, my love?”

“No, honey. You still have poop in your britches. Get that cleaned up and I’ll give you the ride of your life with my vagina.”

She’s not mad. She just has standards. You love that about her.