I Joined a Combat Archery League and I’m not Even a Virgin

Apparently there is a “combat archery league” in Shanghai and for weeks my buddy has been begging for me to come out and play. I’ve tried to tell him LARPING is for nerds and if I wanted to appropriate Native American culture I would join a lacrosse team but he’s been incessant. Last night I finally gave into his demands and I must say, not a bad way to let off some steam on a Tuesday night. 

A little bit about the rules. It’s pretty much the same as Dodgeball except you play with bows that shoot foam tipped arrows and there are barriers you can hide behind. Just like in Dodgeball, If you get hit with an arrow you are out and if you catch an arrow shot at you, someone on your team who is out is allowed to rejoin the game. There is also a piece of foam with five targets on it in the middle of each person’s zone. If you knock out one of the targets, someone on your team is allowed to rejoin the game. Your team wins the game by either getting everyone on the opposing team out or hitting all five of your opponents targets.

I was extremely subpar at the sport but I think that was partially because I was playing super cautiously as the league’s new shipment of cups hadn’t arrived yet. I have a pretty modestly sized package but when you’re on the combat archery field without a cup on your balls feel like they’re each two feet in diameter and tattooed with bullseyes. Another issue I had was my reload time. Took me a solid minute to figure out how to properly load each arrow but I’m hoping to cut that down substantially with a little practice. Any expert archers in the comment section care to critique my form?

Now of course, just as in Dodgeball, every league has their resident Hardo/Smitty and in our case it was this guy in the compression shorts and cyclist jersey.

He was firing arrows easily 10mph faster than everyone else and I don’t have a doubt in my mind he’s sent some newbs off the battlefield in tears before. He deemed me as such a non-threat though that I was able to snipe him with an absolute rainbow of a shot in one of the games and now I fear he may try to Ramsay Bolton my ass next week

The sport was invented in the US so if you’re intrigued it’s worth a google to see if they’re are any local leagues. The Shanghai league has gotten crazy popular and now every Sunday and Tuesday 500 plus people compete for 25 spots by sending their name in a group chat at exactly noon on game day to reserve a spot. 

The waiting list is no joke either.

I plan on bringing a camera man to one of the matches so expect an official “Whoa That’s Weird: Hangover Games” to be released in the coming months. Wish me luck.