Ben Simmons Is IG Official With Tinashe And EVERYTHING BETTER STAY HAPPY

“This is a dime I can’t pass”

Cute. Bullshit, but cute. Ben Simmons is the greatest passer outside of Steve Nash, John Stockton, and Magic Johnson having a disease-free love child. If he wants to turn her into a statistic in exchange for another Triple Double, he damn well can. But there it is. The ol’ IG official post. Good for the happy couple, as long as they stay happy…

Ben Simmons is having a record rookie year. He’s averaging 16.1 points, 7.8 boards, and 7.9 dimes a game. Even if those numbers improve ever so slightly, which they most definitely will, Simmons is in Russell Westbrook/Oscar Robinson territory of AVERAGING a Triple Double. I’m just gonna not say it but say it…please just keep Ben happy. PLEASE. The last thing this phenom, this team, the city needs is a heartbroken soul who all of a sudden forgets how to basketball during the playoffs. Hell hath no fury like a city scorn because their future Hall Of Famer (yeah I said it) is crying dick deep in Ben & Jerry’s after his relationship went to shit. But that’s worst case scenario. Everything should be fine. By the way things look, it shouldn’t be too difficult to keep Benny happy. Good. Grief.

PS – I instantaneously like every single Ben Simmons and Joel Embiid Instagram post, without fail. Just a natural, involuntary action every single time. I still don’t even follow my own mother.