Is Diarrhea The Key To Anze Kopitar's Best Season Of His Career? Most Certainly
Anze Kopitar is probably the best player in the NHL that everybody talks about the least. It’s tough considering most of his games start at 10pm here on the east coast. But the man has been in the league for 12 seasons now. He’s widely regarded as one of the best 200-ft centers in the game. He’s a Selke candidate on the regular. He’s only had two seasons where he hasn’t scored at least 60 points and one of them was a lockout shortened 2012-13 year where he still put up 42 points in 47 games. Last year was the worst of his career only putting up 52 in 76 games, and it just so happened to be the first year that he took over as captain of the Kings from Dustin Brown.
This year, however, has been Kopitar’s best. He put up 81 points in 2009-10 and now at 30-years-old, he just put up his 82nd point of the 2017-18 season with a few more games to go. The point the Kings got for taking the Jets to overtime last night bumps them up to 3rd in the Pacific and it looks to be a great bounce back year for everybody on the Kings. So what’s the secret to the success? How did this team that looked to past their prime and out of their window manage to comeback this season looking just as good as ever?
Obviously it’s gotta be the diarrhea. Anze Kopitar and the LA Kings are shitting their brains out before every game and it’s working. They’re pissing out of their ass. They’re spraying mud all over the locker room. Cleansing themselves of everything that could possibly hold them back on the ice. Then the moment that puck drops, they can play with their hearts and their balls instead of their ass. It’s genius. Sheer genius.
Does that mean they have to replace the water bottles on the bench with some Pepto to make sure they don’t shit their pants on the ice? Yes. But I doubt that anybody is complaining because for starters, Pepto tastes delish. And secondly, it’s clearly working. Don’t fix what ain’t broke. Keep on doing what you’re doin, Anze. Just make sure you give a courtesy flush every now and then.