Dairy Queen Flexing On Rita's With Free Ice Cream On The First Day Of Spring Is A Declaration Of War

Those Dariry Queen BASTARDS. How dare these Ice Cream bandits attempt to creampuff Rita’s on their biggest day of the year? Free Water Ice Day is a God given right for Philadelphians every first day of Spring. I don’t care if anyone willing to freeze their nuts off for a $1.84 cup of mango (or $1.99 vanilla stale cone) needs to sit out the next couple plays of life (same goes for the desperate going for short stacks on #NationalPancakeDay). Water Ice is a Philadelphia, nay, American summer tradition like no other. Either you love a good cup of Rita’s or you’re a stone cold Commie. Simple as that. Even though I’m more of a custard guy, you can’t hate on the Water Ice. Stopping by Rita’s on a hot Summer day may be one of the most underrated things in the world, or at least something most take for granted. Eat it till it melts and drink that shit down or bring a couple of quarts to the pool and make ‘em Irish. It’s the perfect Summertime delight. So screw Dairy Queen for trying to steal our girl Rita’s shine. Get your own damn day of glory.

And it’s WATER ICE where I grew up and I’ll be damned if I’m changing it because a couple of dicklickers outside of Philly/Jersey hate everything about this area. Hoagies, soda and “Wooder” Ice all day, everyday. Go have fun arguing it’s Italian Ice while sitting on a vertical sub. If you can’t get to Rita’s, go to John’s and call it a day. Or go fuck yourself. Either/or works. Skip to 2:30 here to understand: