Here Are The 911 Call Transcripts From The People Who Ran Into Glass Windows At Apple HQ (No, Really)
Mashable- Apple’s spaceship-like, nearly all-glass headquarters in Cupertino is certainly beautiful, but it’s proving to cause actual headaches for its employees. A few weeks ago, reports surfaced of company workers walking into the transparent walls that adorn Apple Park. Well, the San Francisco Chronicle has published the 911 calls to prove it. Authorities were concerned about the campus design, with Cupertino’s building official Albert Salvador “worried” people weren’t able to tell the difference between an automatic door and a window. Turns out he was right. Transcripts from three different incidents were published by the newspaper, all made within three days in January. The first call is from Apple security, reporting an injury from a man who suffered a cut to his head.
First things first. I can’t believe there were 911 calls made over this. A couple weeks ago I blogged about how lots of employees were smashing into glass windows at the new Apple HQ. I thought that was gonna be the end of the saga. Nope. Turns out 911 calls were made because folks were getting injured upon smashing into said glass windows at Apple HQ. I honestly thought it was a joke when I saw the headline. Be more dramatic Apple, you certainly cannot.
Here’s the first 911 call:
Caller: We had an individual who ran into a glass wall pane and they hit their head. They have a small cut on their head and they are bleeding, slightly disoriented. We have on site security with them right now.
Dispatcher: Are you with the patient now?
Caller: No, I am not with the patient. We are trying to have a security unit call in right now so I connect you over.
Dispatcher: How old is the patient?
Caller: Late 20s.
Dispatcher: Is the patient male or female?
Caller: Male.
Dispatcher: Is he awake?
Caller: He is conscious.
Dispatcher: Is he breathing?
Caller: That we do not know. Yes, yes, he’s conscious and breathing.
Dispatcher: Let me go ahead here and update the paramedics. When did this happen?
Caller: It happened around five minutes ago. Around 12:05.
Dispatcher: Is there any serious bleeding?
Caller: Yes, from the head.
Dispatcher: Is he completely alert?
Caller: Yes.
Alright so it sounds like this one was kinda serious? If the person was bleeding a lot from the head then a 911 call seems appropriate I guess. Kind of a wild move from the 911 operator to ask if the person was breathing but alright. Lots of blood = need paramedics. That one I understand.
The second 911 call seems considerably less serious:
Caller: OK. So we had an employee, he was on campus and he walked into a glass window, hitting his head, has a little bit of a cut on the eyebrow.
Dispatcher: OK, are you with the patient now?
Caller: Uh, no. I’m calling from our call center. We have security on site with the patient.
Dispatcher: OK, how old is the patient?
Caller: Um, unknown.
Dispatcher: OK, is the patient male or female?
Caller: It’s going to be a male, adult.
Dispatcher: Is he awake?
Caller: Yes.
Dispatcher: Is he breathing?
Caller: Yes.
Again with the breathing! Of course he’s breathing! He ran into a wall! I bet him and Brennan Huff have similar sized cuts. What the hell is going on? At a certain point the operators at 911 HQ (that’s not a thing but I’ve never really thought about where 911 operators are located. Where are they in my mind? 911 HQ) had to think they were being trolled. The talk around the 911 HQ water cooler had to be about whether or not the calls from Apple HQ were real or not.
Third one
Patient: Um, I walked into a glass door on the first floor of Apple Park when I was trying to go outside, which was very silly.
Dispatcher: You keep breaking up. You walked through a glass door?
Patient: I didn’t walk through a glass door. I walked into a glass door.
Dispatcher: OK, one second. Did you injure your head?
Patient: I hit my head.
Dispatcher: How old are you?
Patient: 23.
Dispatcher: Hold on one second, OK. When did this happen?
Patient: About a half an hour ago.
Dispatcher: Is there any serious bleeding?
Patient: No.
Come on. The dude even admitted it was silly. This is insane. The people at Apple HQ are abusing 911. You only call 911 when someone is dying. That’s the unspoken and unwritten 911 rule. The exchange where they’re trying to decide if he walked through a glass door or walked into a glass door felt like a riddle. The whole thing makes my brain hurt.