Ranking the Top 10 Best "Gatling Gun" Movie Scenes of All-Time
BIGTIME update coming tomorrow in Fortnite (that free game you should be playing) with a motherfucking GATLING gun getting added to the weapon island scramble. With that and the Chug Jug dropping last week, it seems as though Epic Games has plenty of tricks up their sleeve until the full edition release in July.
But as I searched my brain for the wittiest mini-gun reference possible, I realized there’s a lot more depth to the Gatling game than I thought. They are fucking everywhere in movies dating back to the days of John Wayne. Sometimes so necessary, sometimes a cheap ploy, somehow always a delight. Here’s my Top 10 GG scenes of All-Time… and don’t you dare come at me for my Top 4. Ironclad, NEVAH LOST.
10. Expendables 3 – Terry Crews “IT’S TIME TO MOW THE LAWN!”
This is the first clip I’ve seen of EX3 which is surprising since I went to the first one in 2010, all dressed up for opening night. And while it’s certainly the dream of dreams to see Mel Gibson, Sly, Wesley Snipes, Dolph Lundgren and Randy Couture FINALLY all on the same screen together, it’s Terry Crews who truly steals the show here. Incredible tagline and absolute destruction from him, essentially one-handing a giant mini-gun against 50 enemies. It does get marked down a little though since this is just about every scene in each Expendables movie. And no, I don’t need to see them to know that.
9. Magnificent Seven – Bad Guys Shooting Mini-Guns
A rare instance where it’s purely the bad guys using the the big guns and the fury is so real. Truthfully I wanted to stick Wild Wild West in here instead but I couldn’t find the clip of that tank mowing down all those worthless Confederates (sorry Tex).
But Gatling guns in old Western movies are always king, probably because that power was simply unmatched back then. Might as well be laser bolts shooting outta that thing. Thought this movie was pretty underwhelming though, also RIP Chris Pratt. And now you don’t have to see it!
8. Dredd – Cersei Brings The Heat “Ran Hard and Put Away Wet”
She doesn’t say that quote I just assume that’s the look she was going for; I’ve always wondered why mega stars agree to be in movies GUARANTEED to be bad. Did Cersei really need that Dredd money? Shiiiiiiiiiit. One thing is for sure, it’s incredibly comforting to know that even in dystopian future wastelands, humans still hold onto that almighty power of the Gatling gun.
Whether it be nails or lasers you best believe that circle will be spinning boy. I put it ahead of EX3 for how brutally and unnecessarily graphic it is, plus I’m pretty sure that’s Mexican Wolverine from 22 Jump St firing it. Has anyone actually seen this entire movie?
7. Red – Senior Citizens Shoot Stuff Too?
Another movie I haven’t seen but these eyes cannot deny the greatness that IS Helen Mirren firing a .50 cal gatling gun whilst wearing an evening dress without blinking. QUEEN. Literally. Throw in John Malkovich running point and bah gawd I may have to watch this whole damn thing.
It’s already got a sequel so it can’t be that bad right? I just turned 29 so being that I’m old as shit now, might be a good idea to immerse myself in my new age group.
6. The Jackal – Bruce Willis is a MOTHERFUCKER to Jack Black
Haven’t seen this movie in forever and actually forget what a gem it is. One of those perfect “Hungover on a Saturday afternoon and only TNT plays the entire day” movies that simply entertains without doing too much. As always Bruce Willis is expert level when it comes to portraying a smarmy motherfucker and also how does he look so damn cool in small sunglasses?
A remote controlled Gatling gun with precision targeting isn’t enough to crack the Top 5 but Jack Black getting cut to pieces did make it very close.
5. Rambo – Sly Does Sly Things
Sly sneaks his way into the Top 5… Although I could likely do a Top 10 of solely Stallone mini-gun scenes, I also simply cannot catch up on that many Expendable movies today. That was the old me. But this one holds up over all the rest because
1) It’s insanely violent and 2) Much like Red it has that “Whoa old people can still be useful” aspect to it. Sure John Rambo isn’t what he once was but exploding arrows be damned, he will still overkill your ass into a million pieces like no other.
4. Machete – Motorcycle Gatling Guns
Quality of the movie doesn’t get Machete here, it’s pure trash no doubt, but the ingenuity of adding the mini-gun to the motorcycle sure does. It’s the type of clip GIFs were created for and the overall absurdity really makes you wonder…
What are the Gatling Gun combinations we HAVEN’T seen yet? Also for SEO purposes, Lindsay Lohan. What is up with Lindsay Lohan’s fake accent? RIP Robert DeNiro
3. Fast Furious 7 – The Rock “Woman, I am the Calvary…”
Much like Sly, I could very well do a Top 10 for Fast Furious Gatling scenes and not blink twice. This one sticks out because it’s Gat on Gat crime, with The Rock doing his best Terry Crews impression AND taking on a goddamn helicopter in the middle of the street to boot. Incredible climax to a super emotional movie and it does the absolute impossible as well..
No I don’t mean distract from Paul Walker’s death, that was laid on REAL heavy and thick. Very much the reason I’ve only seen it twice compared to the 100+ times for Fast Five. But this scene made you forget that the entire Vin Diesel vs Jason Statham showdown was decided via a lightsaber duel with wrenches, in a parking garage. I’m as big a Star Warrior as anybody but even I was turned off by that.
THE BLOG, ALWAYS WINS.
2. The Matrix – Neo saves Morpheus
As far as my little kid brain is concerned, this is really #1. Truthfully picking between these Top 3 was incredibly hard and these are more like 1A, 1B, 1C. Seeing this as a 5th grader changed action movies forever for me and incredibly, those ground-breaking effects and story (FU Matrix 2 + 3) still hold up super well today. I pity the fools who never re-enacted the lobby shoot out in their living room or pretended they actually knew kung fu. Whoa…
For whatever reason, that shot of the shells falling underneath the helicopter has always stuck out to me as one of the coolest visuals ever along with the pinging sound effects. And for anyone that disagrees with this take or any takes in this blog, let me refer you to my second favorite scene in The Matrix.
1. Predator and T2 – Arnold Schwarzenegger is the KING
When it comes to looking cool AF and firing giant machine guns, there is really only one name to respect and it shouldn’t come as a surprise. ALL HAIL KING AHNALD!!! Let me tell you this though and it cannot be stated enough. I fucking LOVE this Predator jungle scene. I reference it when there is no reference to be made. I think it’s one of the funniest things ever to be put onto film. It jacks me TF up. Next time you’re pregaming, put this on full blast and fire every invisible gun you got screaming at the top of your lungs. I guarantee you will feel it.
The T2 scene is no slouch either and it was the original reference I thought of for my hilariously witty Gametime tweet. Arnold rocking the black leather and sunglasses is iconic as it gets and once again it is proven… One-handing a massive Gatling gun will always make you look beyond badass.
There’s plenty of mini-gun love I left out so lemme know which ones I missed on Twitter and we shall ride again. Or not. Just don’t forget… “Not like this.”
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