Philadelphia Is Selling "Greased Pole" Donuts, Which Look Dumb And Gross

As supportive as I want to be about every Super Bowl related trend this year, I simply cannot get on board with this donut that’s supposed to look like a greased stoplight. I will start with the fact that it does not look greased, nor does billing something as “greased” make it more appealing to eat. Greased pig, greased lightening, greasy hair. None of them sound appealing to eat.

Further, that does not look like a stoplight. Stoplights, in all cases, have multiple colors. This looks like a plank of wood getting a facial. And if you thought I couldn’t be any cruller (donut joke), this looks like someone slapped a cucumber on the end of a cum-covered baguette, excuse my French.

Now, does that mean I wouldn’t buy one? No. Philadelphia’s food economy is based solely around food that generally looks disgusting (i.e. Cheesesteaks, scrapple, pork roll), so why should our donuts be any different? Head down to Dotties Donuts and get your hands on a Greased Pole. Pop it in your mouth and let that sweet filling drip down your throat.

In further donut news, Boston Creme bans are popping up in Philly as well. Since the donut wars are officially on in Philadelphia, stories like this are nothing to…….glaze over. From Barstool Sports, I’m Adam Ferrone.