Hi, My Name Is Smitty, And Here Is Why I Should Be Representing Barstool At The Eagles Vs Patriots Super Bowl
Obviously I feel I’ve earned the right to represent Barstool during Super Bowl week in Minindianapolis and at the game through my efforts since 2011. Alas, I am a company man. And I have no grievances applying for the part, even though there should be no reason a veteran, proven actor should have to audition for something he was born to play. Yes, I would like the entire #PhillyThree to be in attendance, but these views are my views alone, and the other two parties should not be held responsible for any backfire from said opinions such as David Portnoy being Lucifer himself.
Smitty’s Pitches For Going To The Super Bowl
1) Eagles vs. Pats. Good vs. Evil. Smitty vs. Pres.
The first pitch is obvious (to everyone but maybe Dave). The last time the Eagles and Patriots played together was 2014. A hapless, struggling Chip Kelly team limped into the lion’s den of Foxboro. Pres invited me to the game to essentially laugh in my face. No more, no less. What resulted was absolute explosion of a content factory. We got great stuff from the tailgate (above with the cooking and below with a mingling of the degenerates).
We got A+ stuff during the game you can read, but unfortunately can’t see in this blog (RIP Vine, as a lot of solid content the likes of instant reactions and Dave getting his mushed and me dancing on his soul with “Go Pres Go!!!” chants from the stands).
Even after the game provided iconic Barstool material which included myself declaring Prima Noctra on Dave’s office and hosting The Rundown from Milton:
And then Dave’s now infamous “On Hanakuah, No Less!” reaction to my rundown:
Can you imagine what kind of content can be created from a week in a house together and then the biggest game of, well, at least the biggest game of my life? No. No you cannot.
2) One With The Degenerates.
Since donning the same exact authentic Jerome Brown jersey from when I was 5-year-old, I’ve known my people. And my people know me. On top of that, for Barstool, I’ve done over a dozen man on the street tailgate videos with said people. HAMMER the fact it’s basically what got me on the map, video wise, at Barstool. I was doing Eagles tailgate videos out of my own pocket wayyyyyy back when in 2013. 2013!!!. Barstool was doing video content sporadically during that time, but there I was almost every week, and then every year, Being one with the people…and the likes of cardigan wearing Mo and then Smokeshow Of The Century Kacie McDonnell. Not to mention old Dallas hags who deserved to be bullrushed back into Hades.
Shit, I even did it petsitting (and protecting) a beyond white girl wasted Nate around Lincoln Financial Field for a night. A punishment that fits absolutely no crime.
I’ve done it successfully, both critically and statistically, many times. Why not be able do it again on the Eagles biggest stage, ever?
3) Need A Warrior On The Front Lines Who Won’t Back Down
I’m not backing down from anything on all sides, and believe me, there are MULTIPLE fronts being attacked. Need to have boots on the ground not only ready to take the heat, but give it back.
If I’m not backing down from former NFL OL Willie Colon from eating me, skin and all, on the spot, I’m not going to succumb to anything. Not only that, I am a defender for what is right. Pres said on The Rundown the other day he was afraid of getting punched in the face by Philly trash. You know who you want defending you from assault from Philly trash? One who knows, understands, and lives in the filth. I’m a company man, and the general is more important than his troops.
4) There’s A Minion Willing To Help!
You already have an Eagles blogger ready to pick up the slack I miss from home! Even though he prefers to be left alone and doesn’t insert himself in anyone else’s business, Nate’s apparently willing to come through the wardrobe anytime and contribute to reality!
5) Already In With The Media, Both Philly And Boston
As with the people, I know the Philly media, and the Philly media knows me. Hell, the only other bigger Springsteen die-hard than me is John Clark (Philadlephia’s #1 sports personality). They’ll be more content delivered based on empty promises of Avalon/Ladder 15 beers than ever before. Not to mention I’m basically a regular on Boston Sports TV now.
(But seriously, the access/exposure I’ll be able to get with the Philly media as combine that with Kayce Smith and Tim Curran already reaching out to do stuff with their show for the Boston mickfucks equals #ContentContentContent)
E) The Intangibles For Integrity
I’ll just list a few ideas for content that can be explained more in depth at a later date:
– Rone and I have an actually good #1 Philly Sports Test Podcast (that will one day maybe get approved if anybody in charge at Barstool ever listens to it, SHOCKER!), “First Time, Long Time” could be done on location for special shows, hopefully on Sirus for one-off hour programs.
– Barstool Gametime at the house seems like a no-brainer for content. All the guys at the house, as well as guests, streaming on our already, actually successful and fastest growing Twitch channel – Twitch.tv/barstoolsports – seems like a fantastic, fun, and fresh idea that gives a little behind the curtain, shield down look into the Barstool world.
– SLED. DOGS.
– Vikings fans are organizing an event to throw stuff at Philly fans. I have defended honor before, and will do so again.
– For better or worse (always worse), I’m a content creator. Whether it’s Zah yelling at me from a table, Dave being Dave, or Nate scurrying down from his nest, the needle moves when I’m around.
– Oh, and then there’s Barstool’s newest investment in Rough N’ Rowdy that’s being pimped out by us on CNBC, Business Insider, and everywhere under the sun. Wouldn’t it be beneficial having the main event’s biggest attraction front and center in front of Barstool’s world stage to build up anticipation and excitement for the fight just 2 weeks after the Super Bowl? One would think, America. One would think.
Those are my ideas thus far. Obviously content would happen spontaneously on the radio/rundown and in other spots in Minnesota, but I wholeheartedly believe what I’ve done in the past and proposed for the future certainly warrants a first class coach below deck ticket.
Let’s take a look at and discuss what else has been proposed thus far:
Dave Portnoy’s Content Ideas For Smitty For The Super Bowl:
Electric Chair in NYC.
Oh, and my final point on why I should go to the Super Bowl…I’M THE FUCKING HEAD EAGLES BLOGGER. And I have been awake, sans one night, doing my fucking job since 2011. No offense to my good friend Robbie Fox, but he was taken to his Super Bowl fight of Mayweather/McGregor for the entire week and then the match itself. This is not just the Eagles Super Bowl, this is my literal Barstool Super Bowl. That’s it. It’s a no brainer I should at least be in Minnesota throughout the week getting content by, with, and for my people.
Time’s yours, Portnoy.