LaVar Ball Will Serve As An Assistant Coach For His Sons Lithuanian Team Tonight

Big Baller suits coming soon to a Men’s Wearhouse near you for the low price of $5000! Luckily if you purchase one, you get 10 other suits for free.

ESPN- LaVar Ball will serve as an assistant coach for LiAngelo and LaMelo’s team, Vytautas, on Tuesday night in a Big Baller Challenge contest in Lithuania. Vytautas will play against BC Dzukija in the Big Baller Challenge — a five-game series of friendly games that do not count in the standings. The team put together the series in order to get LiAngelo and LaMelo Ball playing time against other teenagers. The Ball brothers, whose father is LaVar Ball, signed with Vytautas in December.

“He will be an assistant coach on game protocol but will drive the team through the game and make many of the decisions,” a team spokesman told ESPN. “The style the team is going to play is going to be LaVar’s choice.” Vytautas coach Virginijus Seskus told ESPN through a translator, “LaVar wants the team to play fast. He also has an idea for a new way for the team to play defense, so we’re going to try it out tonight. Today we’ll be like two equal coaches, but this will only be for the friendly match. We’ll see how it goes today.”

Another day, another big move for the Biggest Baller. If chaos is a ladder, then the Loud Littlefinger of Lithuania is continuing to climb it one ridiculous headline at a time. First LaVar Ball was just a college basketball player’s dad in everybody’s eyes. Then he was an entrepreneur. Then he was Donald Trump’s number 1 Twitter nemesis. Then he was the wedge that drove NBA coaches to scream at ESPN. And now he’s the assistant coach of an undefeated European basketball team*.

I actually kinda feel bad for Virginijus Seskus (the head coach of the team) because no coach’s ass on the planet is cooking on the hot seat more than his. I mean look at the quote Seskus gave regarding hiring LaVar for tonight.

“Why not let him do it? It’s only a friendly match. It will end, and everyone will forget about it.”

Virgi, my dude, LaVar Ball doesn’t forget a goddamn thing and will throw your ass under the bus the next time you lose a game. In fact, there is nothing in the world LaVar excels at more than pissing off coaches to the point they no longer want to coach their team. Seskus went from having a fox in the henhouse to giving that fox an oven and a tub of honey mustard. And LaVar is going to eat well, especially after his sons put up numbers against no-name Euros with him as assistant.

God knows what happens if you fast forward everything in Lithuania a couple of months. LaVar started as a family member, then became an assistant coach, and yada yada yada he is either going to be the President of Lithuania or the head coach of the Lakers by the NBA All-Star Break, depending on which position he wants more. It’s one thing to criticize Luke Walton’s job as coach when your resume is banging out 3 kids that got scholarships to UCLA. It is quite another when you are the assistant coach for an undefeated team* and your kids ball the fuck out when you were on the bench. Everyone can continue to laugh at LaVar Ball for every crazy thing he says or does, and he will just keep slowly accumulating power in the quietest way possible like you know who.

*Undefeated in Big Baller Challenge games

Vytautas is 3-0 in the Big Baller Challenge thus far. LiAngelo Ball is averaging 23.3 points in the three games, while LaMelo is averaging 18.3 points and 7.3 assists.