I Will Concede That The Videos Of The Conditions In Massachusetts Are Pretty Outrageous

Winters in New York are pussy as hell. Everyone freaks out over six inches and it’s never that bad at all. This is my second winter here and I think it’s really snowed about twice, but that doesn’t stop weathermen from yelling about Bomb Cyclone shit and everyone running to get bread for gruel sandwiches like it will be impossible to go outside for a fortnight.

So that makes me want to fight against the idea that this storm is bad, but looking at videos from home I’m willing to admit that Massachusetts is getting it’s ass kicked. You’ve got the Seaport looking like Saco River, expecting to see a drunk kid sitting in a tube, pissing himself, and drinking beers float by. You’ve got newscasters floating on chunks of ice like Buddy the Elf floating away to meet his dad. Fucking Long Wharf is now a lake and Scituate is apparently the set for a sequel to Water World. That’s bad.

But hey, at least it’s supposed to be 85 and sunny tomorrow. Would be really bad if it was freezing cold and the entire city turned into a hockey rink…