Lady Gets Caught Smoking Cigs On A Plane, Goes Berserk And Threatens To Kill Everybody On Board

HuffPo- Video taken from a weekend flight shows a woman cursing out fellow passengers and threatening to kill them after allegedly being caught smoking in the plane’s bathroom.

In response, the pilot declared an emergency to receive priority landing from air traffic control, Southwest Airlines told the Sacramento Bee.

CBS 13 Sacramento identified the irate passenger as 24-year-old Valerie Curbelo. 

In a jailhouse interview, Curbelo said she was smoking for “the anxiety,” but couldn’t explain the threats.

“I don’t know,” Curbelo was quoted as saying. “It was not me. It was not me.”

This is the kind of behavior you’d expect from a passenger flying home from Vegas, smoking cigs in the bathroom and threatening to kill everyone. But this batshit bird was flying from Portland, Oregon to Sacramento. That’s like a 90 minute flight, from one chill city to another. What could possibly have induced this much anxiety? Maybe she realized just how much her hat and sunglasses made her look like Johnny Depp.

Obviously the best part is when dad jeans rushes in. Guy was probably all the way in the back of the plane and he’s been dreaming of this moment since 9/11. When someone threatens an airplane, the world grants you a blank check to deliver justice howsoever you see fit. All pretenses of “never hit a woman” are GONE the moment she becomes a potential terrorist threat. I would imagine it’s like when a bouncer at a nightclub gets accosted by some drunk rich kid half his size. He’s hoping the kid gives him a reason. Same thing with this self-appointed air marshall. Guy probably works for IBM, on his way to a tech conference. That’ll be a helluva story for the nerds.

“So we’re at 35,000 feet when smoke starts wafting out from under the bathroom door. Next thing you know, some lady dressed like a French spy starts screaming about killing everyone on the plane. So what did I do? I said… not today. Took her down to Chinatown. Wrapped her up with seatbelts like a rodeo cowboy lassoing a goat.”

“Don’t you mean a calf?”

“Shut the fuck up Bob. Go talk about sailing with your Oracle buddies, you fucking dweeb.”