Prince Harry And Meghan Markle's First Dance Should Be To Jessie And The Rippers' Forever

With new royal love being announced to the world this week, I think it’s high-time that we discuss some of the options for this wedding. After all, it’s not often that a British Royal and an American actress get married. The two countries should help plan this event. There is literally nothing more important on Earth than this wedding.

“Hey Chaps. What about Barstool Sports’ Cyber Monday deal? That’s more important, right?”

Of course it is, but it’s Tuesday now. Common mistake. Moving on.

Anyway, from the guitar riffs to the effortless flowing hair on Uncle Jessie, this song is perfect. I love the candles in the background, the seamless but tight harmonies of the Beach Boys, and the fucking bongo drums.

You’d have to imagine that Harry’s and Meghan’s first kiss would be guided by the rise and fall of the alternating tempo of this classic. That’s the key to good, ass kissin. You gotta switch it up. Kissing is like playing a race car video game. Sure, you’d like to have your foot on the gas and accelerate the entire time. In reality, there’s corners. There’s dips. There’s dives. There’s hazards along the way. A good kiss understands that. A good kiss glides around the corners without slamming on the brakes. You smoothly and naturally lower the speed and maneuver your tongue around the mountain. You cross the finish line under control. People watch in amazement when it’s done correctly. That’s what’s gonna happen during this wedding kiss. I just know it.

Jessie and The Ripper’s song from Full House, in the episode ‘The Wedding, part 2′ must be the song choice… Now, if the DJ wants everyone to erupt in laughter… I’d recommend this song at the reception when people are getting a little loose.

Get it? Because they are Royal.