Clem Wants To Be Able To Smell When People Are In Heat

Clem and I were going through some of the best Old Wives Tales on this week’s Podfathers show and then out of nowhere, he tells me that he wishes that he could smell when people are in heat. I think that’s a pretty good idea for the most part. It does have some flaws though.

What are you gonna do when you have a bit of sinus congestion? Ragweed is running wild in your area and your eyes won’t stop itching. Not just that, but your nose is stuffy as hell. You’re fussy as all get-out about your nose but your pals still want you to go out and cruise for some ladies. You don’t mind. You like the chase.

You walk in the bar and see a gaggle of women congregated near the bar. They’re sippin on some whiskey sours. Classic. Normally when a group of ladies are at the bar, at least one is in heat. You know it. They know it. Your soul is howling with anticipation. Although your nose is playing tricks on you so you dont have the advantage of smelling when someone is in heat, you make your move. You try your trademark wave.

None of the ladies pay you any attention. Shocked, you order a drink for yourself. This never happens to you. You go take a piss break. It was a long, hard piss and you feel like a new man. While you were in the bathroom, you blow your nose. Feels good. You feel cleared out now and your sense of smell has returned. You walk back to the bar and there’s a gin and tonic waiting for you. Who could have bought this for you? You look around and see a tall fella give you a wink. He approaches. He says, “Howdy stranger.” You can smell that he’s in heat. Big time. Whoa. It’s no wonder why the ladies didn’t pay you any attention. Your friends brought you to a gay bar. Incredible.

Listen to the rest of the podfathers show here.