The Failing United Airlines Breaks Man's Hockey Twigs, Refuses To Pay For The Damage
What a debacle. United Airlines and their incompetent band of idiots have one job. Literally one job and that is to take a bunch of people up in the sky, fly them from point A to point B without crashing the plane, and making sure that everybody’s luggage remains intact in the process. One job and they can’t even do that right. Because when Nixon’s Ghost got on his flight, he had 3 perfectly fine twiggies ready to go for his weekly skate. He gets off the flight at wherever his destination was and he’s already a little frazzled. The woman he sat next to was coughing the entire flight and he’s almost certain he’s going to come down with a cold within the next few days. Which wouldn’t normally be too much of an issue but with the holidays coming up who really has time to be sick? Nobody, that’s who. And not only was Coughy McGhee sitting next to him, but the piece of shit behind him wouldn’t let him recline his seat to enjoy himself. All the while some baby was crying for the full 2 hours so yeah, the flight sucked.
Anyway, the flight from hell was finally over and he just wanted to go down to baggage claim to get his sticks and be on his way to play some puck. The low and behold, he gets to the carousel to find that his sticks have been snapped in half. An absolute catastrophe. Makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. Have you seen the prices of sticks these days? The tweet says this is $600 worth of sticks but that’s for sure underselling the value here. That looks to me like it’s about $1400 worth of twigs. And now they’re gone. Rendered completely useless. And you’d think the least United Airlines could do is reimburse Nixon’s Ghost for the damages but it appears that those dickwads aren’t fronting the bill. And you know for sure that the 30-day warranty just expired last week which makes Nixon’s Ghost shit out of luck.
So now it’s time for everybody to come together and call for action. I declare that from this moment moving forward, all hockey players are to boycott United Airlines until Nixon’s Ghost gets a few new sticks. I’ll fly Spirit for the rest of my life if I have to.
P.S. – Just gonna go ahead and throw out the possibility that buddy over here boarded the flight with his sticks broken already. Then makes it look like they were snapped mid-flight in the hopes of getting free sticks out of the whole ordeal. Who would do such a thing? Realistically, I’m mad I didn’t think of it first.