This Hottest Chip In The World Challenge Is A Crock Of Lukewarm Happy Crap

So this (no free ads) chip is what’s been hot on the Internet streets for awhile now. It’s made with the Carolina Reaper pepper, which is the hottest pepper on Earth. Guinness certified that at 1,569,300 Scoville Heat Units, so, yeah, it’s allegedly fire flames scorching of the Earth Skip Bayless Take level hot. If you’re looking for perspective, a jalapeno is measured between 2,500 and 8,000 SHUs.

People have been doing this “One Chip Challenge” all over the place. You got news anchors yakking up their lungs live on air:

Shaq tearing up and almost going into a full Caesar:

And even Joey Porter and James Harrison, two of the baddest motherfuckers this side of Jules in Pulp Fiction, losing their shit in the Steelers locker room:

Naturally we got a batch sent into Barstool HQ. Here is our very own Snackin’ Off’s Clem explaining what the dealio be:

Naturally, I’m skeptical. See, I grew up on spice. I have eggs with my hot sauce for breakfast. I take my own wooden spoons to chili cook offs (or at least attempt to, as all significant others suck out loud and don’t respect the game). My grandfather made wings so hot it would put hair on your ass. You think a little Tostito covered in taco seasoning is gonna keep my sack in its saddle? You think not.

Like I said. Pussies. Fertile Earth angels. The chip was hot, but it wasn’t THAT bad. If anything people are either acting it up for the cameras, or need to evolve either iron stomachs/an emotional wall that can block any sort of actual feelings from manifesting.

Other than that, let the weak stay week. Robbie Fox wanted to crawl into his Tauntaun for the night and cry himself to sleep. Grow a sack, Star Wars!

If you want the real stuff, go to New Mexico one time and get the works. You may be shitting green blood, sure, but the spice is well worth the experience and probable death from dysentery. Now excuse me while I go get high on chili and start speaking to a spirit wolf voiced by Johnny Cash. Actually would be 100% better than my reality.