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I'm Starting the 'Martellus Bennett Back to New England' Movement Right Now

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Martellus Bennett SB

I don’t know the extent of Martellus’ Benett’s injuries. I don’t know if he failed to disclose them to the Packers. I don’t know if they’ve got a case and will get all their money back. And I give negative a million fucks. All I want is Bennett back wearing No. 88 for the Patriots.

We are exactly half way through the season right now the Patriots have exactly three receptions from tight ends not named Rob Gronkowski. And if you can describe one of those Jacob Hollister grabs, you have a better memory (or more likely drink less) than me. And I am currently organizing search parties to walk slowly side-by-side through the woods to find any sign of Dwayne Allen.

Production-wise, Martysaurus Rex wasn’t exactly Aaron Murdnandez, even though he was the primary tight end weapon with Gronk missing most of the year. But how good would some semblance of his 55/701/12.7 and plus-blocking look right about now? Especially with no Julian Edelman, still no Malcolm Mitchell and Chris Hogan getting run over like Frogger once every game? Allow me to ask and answer: Wicked good. A massive upgrade that could finally give them the versatile two tight end offense that puts a single tear in Josh McDaniels’ manly eye.

Not to mention we’d get all the extras normally associated with him that’ve been lacking in Green Bay. Order Marty Bennett the Productive Tight End now and add additional items like: His bizarro Tweets. His unsolicited locker room rants about how useless Aquaman is. His invitations to join NASA. His AFC championship game dance with Patriots cheerleaders. Gronk and him calling themselves Riggs and Murtaugh. And much, much more.

There’s only one thing I want more than Bennett coming back to New England. And that’s to find out the whole situation in Green Bay was a diabolical plot orchestrated by Belichick. Either way, let’s get him back, five minutes ago.

 @jerrythornton1