This Year’s STD Numbers Are Out- The Winners, The Losers, And A Few Surprises

Source - Sexually transmitted diseases are getting worse in the United States, increasing for the third year, with 2016 reaching an all-time high.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and data analysis by Backgroundchecks.org, here are the ten most sexually diseased states in America:

1. Alaska
2. Mississippi
3. Louisiana
4. Georgia
5. New Mexico
6. North Carolina
7. South Carolina
8. Arkansas
9. Delaware
10. Oklahoma

The dirty list has been pretty much the same for the past decade. The South has no problem arming itself with guns, but when it comes to protecting their genitals, no dice. Initially, I was surprised Mississippi fell to the number two spot. It’s been associated with the word, “yuck” for the past two-hundred years. Not only that, it’s routinely listed as the most obese state in America. Not surprising, considering their diet consists mostly of butter and river fish. But the more I thought about it the more Alaska made sense. It’s way the fuck up there and it’s super spread out. The chances of someone trekking through the arctic for a condom in the heat of the moment are slim to none. That’s why they use native condoms (rabbit pelt). It’s not as effective but it’s reusable and Alaskans love sustainability.

No surprises on the rest of the list, Louisiana’s the armpit of America, New Mexico’s methy, the Carolinas are stuck in the past. Then there’s the religious bare backers in Arkansas. Condoms get in the way of the Holy Spirit. The others aren’t even worth mentioning: Delaware isn’t even a state, and Oklahoma and Georgia have been on the list so long they can’t be removed. They’re essentially grandfathered in. Onto the clean states.

The ten least sexually diseased states are:

1. Vermont
2. New Hampshire
3. West Virginia
4. Maine
5. Utah
6. Idaho
7. Wyoming
8. Connecticut
9. Massachusetts
10. New Jersey

First of all, WEST VIRGINIA?! No shade to West Virginians but I would’ve put them at number eleven behind Oklahoma. Guess I was wrong. Except for Utah (Mormans), Idaho, and Wyoming, the rest of the list is the Northeast. Which considering the level of education shouldn’t be a surprise. Although New Jersey threw me for a loop for obvious reasons. Moving on to most improved.

The state moving up the highest in the rankings [as most diseased] is Maryland, jumping up six spots from #24 to #18, owing to significantly elevated rates of both gonorrhea and chlamydia. Next is Delaware, climbing five spots from #14 to #9. There is a four-way tie between Georgia (#4), Indiana (#23), Virginia (#25) and North Dakota (#26) for third greatest increase as they all moved up three places in the rankings.