Univision Says They Hope I Drown In A Frozen River. That's Not Nice

From Univision  (Formerly Deadspin but they were sued by the Hulkster for immoral behavior and went bankrupt)

I hope Barstool founder Dave Portnoy drowns in a frozen river. We didn’t post much about Barstool here in the past,  just as we rarely post about former Deadspin editor and current After-Shave Rights Advocate Clay Travis, the reasoning being that both Travis and Portnoy are deeply shitty men who crave attention any way they can get it, usually by race-baiting or screaming BOOBS in a crowded theater.

So Drew Magery from Univision wrote an article about how everything offensive he’s ever said in the past doesn’t count anymore because he’s a changed man. I thought it was sort of strange timing since he could have written this 6 months ago but waited until social justice warriors and convenient feminism were the hottest topic on the internet. Cynics may even say he just wrote it for self preservation.

Anyway for some reason he felt the need to lump me and Clay Travis in the article even though he could have written the same exact article without mentioning either of us. To be honest of all the things that have been said about me this past couple weeks I find this by far the most offensive. And to give you some perspective he also said he hopes I die in a frozen river. But the fact that Drew Magery lumped me in with Clay as a race baiter and somebody who yells boobs in a crowded movie theater is ridiculous. Now I got fucking Clay Travis tweeting at me like we’re buddies. Like we are two guys cut from the same cloth. BOOOOOO!!!! HISSSSSS!!!!

Listen I have no problem with people who don’t like me. I have no problem with people who don’t think I’m funny. Drew Magery has a long and storied history of being a loser who hates New England people and the “popular crowd” because he went to prep school around here and was bullied as a child. But let’s stick to the facts. Clay Travis and I are nothing alike. I hate Clay Travis because he is race baiter. Because he switched his entire schtick to be controversial. DO NOT COMPARE HIM TO ME. I’m the real fucking deal. There is no act. I resent being compared to him. It was dishonest journalism by Drew to lump me into his category and he knows it. The only reason he did it was to attract pageviews because I move the needle like I always do. If he doesn’t mention my name nobody is talking about that article. That’s how the Internet works. Scream my name and watch the clicks pour in.

PS – Can you even drown in a frozen river? This has been a huge topic of debate here. I thought rivers couldn’t freeze? And if it is frozen does that mean he wants me to fall through the river and then it refreezes above me so I can’t get out? That would suck,but he over complicated this. He should have just said he wants me to drown while getting eaten by a Great White shark. Probably too bad ass for a pussy like him though.  (oops I said pussy.  Here comes another 5,000 words on why I suck)

Double PS – What’s the opposite of drowning in a frozen river?  Owning the moon of course.  Click to Buy