The World's Fastest Soccer Player Needs To Be Playing A Real Sport In A Realer Country - STAT

CBS – It’s not everyday that the Indonesian league gets some publicity. It’s a small league with not a lot of financial backing and chances are you’ve never heard of one player in that league. But you need to. Terens Puhiri, who plays for Borneo FC Samarinda, may just be the fastest man on planet earth. It’s like Lionel Messi and Usain Bolt combined, jacked up on Mountain Dew. It’s quite stunning to see a soccer player have that type of speed and control. If he keeps doing more of this, we may just seem him at a bigger league. He’s just 21, and from the looks of it, has some serious potential.

Look at this thing go. That guy can straight up BOOGIE. The Indonesian Barry Allen goes from 1st to 200th gear and from 0 to 60 in a nanosecond. I seriously haven’t seen that kind of breakaway speed outside of a Looney Tunes cartoon where the Roadrunner left the Coyote’s nuts in the dust. And his God given talents are being straight up wasted on futbol in Indonesia. Forget that. The Eagles need to kidnap this guy and put him on kick return – NOW. Just have someone else catch the ball, run it over to him like in Forrest Gump, and just say “Run, Terens! RUN!”. TD’s all the time, every time. This gazelle has closing speed not seen since Deion Sanders or this cop making his #1 highlight for his life reel.

Also, let’s not discount the Goal to the 90th power by that Indonesian play-by-play guy. That’s some Third World gusto right there. His voice may be the only access to electricity that country has. AC/DC Current. Pair him up with our Argentinian announcing hero Alejandro and make it happen. For Un Papa.