It's Only A Matter Of Time Until Chaps Fucks A Pumpkin Just To Prove All The Haters Wrong

So everyone that was hanging around the old Barstool water cooler last week knows the chaos that went on here. For those that don’t know, this tweet set off the Social Justice Warriors in a way many of us have not seen in years weeks days hours.

That pumpkin was the Helen of Troy for gourds. A sensual siren that sparked a war between Barstool and the SJWs. A war that ended with Adam C. Best being murdered online by our spider monkey version of Achilles. Tragic!

But once the dust settled and the bodies were removed, one enormous question remained: Why did so many people take offense to a fucking joke about a pumpkin looking like it wanted some #sex?

The man behind all of this madness was the wise and handsome Uncle Chaps. Ol’ Chapsy has taken objects that look like reproductive organs and turned them into poetry one blog at a time. He even blogged about said pumpkin that was searching for a hard, metal object. You know why Chaps blogged it? Because it was funny and anyone offended by that nonsense needs to grow up.
There is way too much PC culture these days. As the political climate has heated up, people on BOTH sides have dug in their heels and flop against any argument they don’t like on some Manu Ginobili shit. We talked about outrage culture and how poisonous it is on this week’s Podfathers and Chaps casually mentioned that he may have to fuck a pumpkin just to prove a point (Pumpkin Talk begins at 9:45 mark but stay for the whole thing!).

As you just heard in the podcast you definitely listened to, I knew Chaps was going to volunteer to fuck a pumpkin. It was the most obvious thing ever for so many reasons. Chaps is a team player. Chaps is little bit of a different dude with a brain that can paint a scene like Bob Ross using simply his words. And of course, Chaps loves making The Haters angry. Gets off on it even. Waves to them as he buries them 6 feet under. So the love of hater murdering and inanimate object lust are a potent combination. Add pumpkins into the mix and Chaps will go from 6-to-midnight immediately. Don’t believe me? Look at a quick sample of his tweets from the last few months.

One blog/tweet is a funny joke. Two blogs/tweets is the beginning of a franchise. 100 blogs/tweets is a man that wants to fuck something that isn’t a living creature. Plain and simple.

Chaps is also on the record for being a pumpkin-fueled weirdo between the sheets.

I love Chaps and so do you guys. I will support him whether he fucks a pumpkin or not. In fact, I think I will love him even more if he fucks a pumpkin just to thumb his nose at PC Culture. If those SJWs and Internet White Knights want to take on Barstool, they can take on the Purple Heart Recipient with a heart of gold, a silver tongue, and a thirst for haters’ blood. Will his dick smell like the guts of a pumpkin for a week straight? Maybe, I’ve never fucked a pumpkin. But I will still love Chaps for the man he is, not the gourd he fucks.

Plus we would definitely get a kabillion views on Facebook Live if we ever broadcast Chaps fucking a pumpkin. Sure we would lose our account and probably get sued to death by Mark Zuckerberg. However heroes get remembered, but legends never die.