You Can Have A Scary Clown Deliver Donuts To Your Friends Or Coworkers If You Are An Asshole

(Source)- Your worst childhood nightmare is coming to life, and he’s bringing treats. The creepy clown trend that’s made its way back into the mainstream, thanks in part to Stephen King’s new IT movie, has reached new levels with the help of Hurts Donuts. Franchises of the bakery around the country are getting in on the traumatizing fun by offering “Scary Clown Deliveries” to its customers. For an additional $5 fee, a decked out clown will come bearing doughnuts with his infamous red balloons in hand.

“Wanna scare the sh… Shprinkles out of your friends!?” a Hurts location in Frisco, Texas wrote on Facebook with photos of a clown creepily posing in a sewage.

Yooooo, fuck that shit. As you can tell by one look at me, I’m all in for having someone buy some free donuts. But some creepy clown bringing me the donuts is like 10 bridges too far. I would rather get a real Hurts Dount than a donut from a scary clown. When I was growing up a Hurts Donut was a charleyhorse. But as kids have gotten more vicious, I bet in 2017 a Hurts Donut is a punch in the dick. And you know what? I would take it instead of a delightful donut from some weirdo in a scary clown outfit. Always a chance that clown is a real deal scary clown and that donut is laced with arsenic or anthrax.

We get a lot of riff raff in the Barstool office. We’ve had fans and crazy fucks former Major League Baseball players make their way through security and into HQ. But if a creepy clown comes into the office, I’m telling Ebony to turn that taser on Kill and murder that painted freak. Once you normalize scary clowns, that’s when a dude with a donut box ends up stabbing someone that somehow didn’t see it coming. We can’t normalize scary clowns. Not now, not ever. And if any employees here ever order Hurts Donuts for the office, they got to go too.