If You're Too Drunk To Drive, Is It Ok To Appoint An 8-Year-Old As Your Designated Driver? The Law Says No

Daily Mail- Police say a drunken Pennsylvania man had an eight-year-old girl drive him around until someone saw the car moving recklessly and called 911.

Police say the girl stopped the car when another motorist became upset and got out of his car, yelling at her and Cook. 

That’s when the girl told police Cook made her switch seats so he could get behind the wheel before police arrived. 

Darlington Township Police Chief Al Filauri later told the broadcaster that Cook was not related to the eight-year-old. The law enforcement official said Cook was a family friend.

Authorities say Cook was so drunk he couldn’t finish a field sobriety test, with an officer having to catch him from falling to the ground. 

Cook was charged with child endangerment, driving under the influence of alcohol and driving without a license. 

Sometimes, the sauce gets the better of ya. And when you live in a town where Uber (and the internet, indoor plumbing, dentistry, libraries, incest laws, etc.) don’t exist, your options for getting home are limited. Faced with an old-fashioned Sophie’s Choice, Kevin Cook chose Sophie. Or whatever the hell her name is. He handed her the keys and said “take me to Ohio” because he’s a law-abiding citizen and knew he was too drunk to drive. As far as citizenship goes, Kevin Cook can speak at my town hall meeting any day.

Is there really an age-minimum for designated drivers? It seems ridiculous to think that we’re condemning this man for appointing an 8-year-old to drive him home, when he was too drunk to stand. Most guys in his position would selfishly take the wheel, endangering everyone else on the road. But Kevin saw a sober child and put her in charge. Whatever happens after that is on her. If she’s too short to see over the steering wheel, sit on some phone books. If that sets her too high to reach the pedals, she should have tied blocks to her feet like Short Round in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Either way, prosecute the kid, not the man.

Hold on to your potatoes!

PS- I was looking for designated driver commercials and stumbled across this one. Clearly, it wasn’t made by Budweiser, which is a delicious beer. But it might just be the greatest commercial these eyes have ever seen.