Bran Stark Is Trying To Be A Civilian University Student

The Tab- Isaac Hempstead Wright, better known as Game of Thrones’ Bran Stark, is enrolled at Birmingham university, and has been spotted around campus today.

Later in the afternoon, he was gathering attention and was “getting swarmed” according to Hasan Ayub, an Economics second year who spotted Isaac at the sports fair. “He was walking out of the sports centre about 2pm,” said Hasan.

The three-eyed raven is attempting to matriculate like a normal English schoolboy at the University of Birmingham. The problem is, he’s a integral cast member on a television show that has become a religion for the majority of the English-speaking world. There is simply no way that the three-eyed raven will be able to walk to class without stumbling and accidentally slipping his one-eyed monster into every single girl in his wake. And he’s one of the least attractive characters on the show! Guy can’t even walk and talks like an asshole about shit that nobody else can see. But he’ll be up to his ears in the fluffy stuff, with chicks doing his homework assignments in exchange for a spoiler or two.

I remember when Hermione went to Brown. The campus lost its shit: intramural quidditch teams were drafted and dorks brewed butterbeer in their dorm rooms, all because some ginger-loving mudblood chose to go to college. Who cares, right? But if I’d spotted a cast member of GOT on campus, it’d be a different ballgame. The smart move is to befriend Bran as quickly as possible because you’ll be picking up the accessory tail he ignores in favor of the top talent. And on the few nights when you’re not out having sex, you can watch old episodes and listen to him provide the behind-the-scenes commentary… LIVE. Or get him super drunk and coax the plot of the series finale out of him, then sell it to some website or just hold people hostage with it.

“Somebody on this plane had better give me an extra-legroom seat or I’ll reveal how Game Of Thrones ends!” That’s some new age terrorism, folks. Knowledge is power!