Millennials Killed Applebees

NPR – Applebee’s announced this month that more than 130 of its restaurants will close by the end of the year.

The casual dining chain rebranded itself in the past few years as a modern bar and grill.

Applebee’s executive John Cywinski recently told investors that the company had hoped the effort would attract a new kind of customer.

The chain aimed to lure “a more youthful and affluent demographic with a more independent or even sophisticated dining mindset, including a clear pendulum swing towards millennials,” he said.

Applebee’s wanted to lure millennials with dishes like barbecue shrimp in a sriracha-lime sauce; chicken wonton tacos; and a pork, ham and bacon sandwich.

But that triple pork bonanza — and the rest of the company’s makeover — didn’t seem to catch on with customers. Sales at Applebee’s dropped more than 6 percent from last year.

“From my perspective, this pursuit led to decisions that created confusion among core guests as Applebee’s intentionally drifted from its … middle-America roots and its abundant value positioning,” Cywinski said.

In other words, millennials didn’t go for it, and the regulars got turned off.

This is such an interesting new blame game that the world is playing.  No longer do businesses fail – millennials kill them.  Products don’t just get old or outdated anymore – millennials destroy them.   New, better options don’t come about through technology and innovation and the natural course of human advancement – millennials fucking murder the old ones in cold millennial blood.  It’s like the ultimate pass-the-buck society.  And it’s a catch-all for everything!   Millennials are lazy but millennials are creating a crisis by not taking any of their vacation days.  Millennials can’t afford to buy houses because they eat avocado toast while existing in an economy created by the generation before them.

Hey you can’t blame people for using it in their defense.  Like say, if you’re a shitty restaurant chain serving shitty food to people who just got off the highway and can’t bear another fast food meal or who just got in from a long flight and are exhausted and starving and you’re right next to the hotel so hey what the hell you’ll grab something at the bar.  It’s not that there are a trillion better options available now – it’s that millennials are snobby and pretentious and wake up every day looking for a company to put out of business.  The strategy pivot from cheap quick American staples to things like barbecue shrimp in sriacha lime sauce and chicken wonton tacos – at motherfucking Applebees – wasn’t a poorly planned and executed marketing plan.  It was millennials fault for not appreciating it.

Also I’m a Chilis guy for life.

Still carry my Emory card with me to get free chips.

It’s not cheap – it’s smart.

Bonus,

Here’s a collage somebody made (probably some dumb lazy millennial with too much time on their hands) of all the things millennials have killed.

[via Reddit]