How Early Is Too Early To Anoint Carson Wentz MVP And/Or God Of 2017?

The correct answer: It’s too late! 4-4 for 56 yards, a TD, and a 153.8 QB rating. That includes the 38-yard touchdown dish that featured making All-Pro Clay Matthews look like his little worthless brother Casey. He is hereby declared the Lord And Savior of 2017 Philadelphia Eagles football, and probably Philly in general. I mean, heck, preseason perfection means everything. This is guaranteed to transition into the season and playoffs, right? History proves it…

Thanks for the PTSD, CSN! Much obliged! But for real, exhibition football is here, baby. Now we get to determine how the rest of our season, nay, lives will end up after one meaningless preseason game. Let’s check out the footage:

I personally didn’t get to watch the event live because NYC is a trashpit of all things evil. I called up or went to five separate bars, two of which were Eagles pubs, and nobody could get anything other than the featured NFL Network game. Blasphemy. But after piecing together the game you can see a few things. Carson Wentz is obviously a beast. 1st round pick Dereck Barnett checks in with a pair of sacks which helps cleanse the palate of Marcus Smith and the pointless Vinny Curry extension. Were there problems? Of course. It’s not the best game when you lose 24-9. The rushing game was a disaster as Blount was held to less than 10 yards total. The Special Teams gave up a long TD. Caleb Sturgis brought back shades of Alex Noodle Leg Henery. And Big Balls Doug may want to tuck his sack back to reality and calm down a bit with his aggressiveness. But overall, there were no major injuries. There’s room for improvement. Also, a little UNC birdie in the office has been telling me not to sleep on 4th-round pick Mack Hollins. Me thinks that won’t be the best play he makes all year, by a long shot.

Fly, baby. Fly.