Bill Simmons' Site Does a "Most Important Patriots" List, and Naturally It's Shit
I took a crack at ranking the 16 most important figures from the 16 years of the Patriots’ dynasty. *ducks* https://t.co/SMvvRlUFQt
— Robert Mays (@robertmays) August 9, 2017
.
So Robert Mays from The Ringer took a stab as listing the 16 Most Important Patriots of the championship years. And produced this:
1. Belichick
2. Brady
3. Adam Vinatieri
4. Josh McDaniels
5. Troy Brown
6. Dante Scarnecchia
7. Mr. Kraft
8. Gronk
9. Edelman
10. Hightower
11. Willie McGinest
12. McCourty
13. Tedy Bruschi
14. Ty Law
15. Randy Moss
16. Mo Lewis
He was right to *duck*. As a matter of fact, if he was smart he’d crawl under his desk to duck and cover like a kid in a 1950s A-Bomb preparedness film, because I’m about to unleash 50 megatons of sand-melting radioactive fury on his ass.
I’m taking away nothing from anyone on this list. Except Mo Lewis, whose name only makes it on here as a punchline. Each of the other 15 was a contributing member of the team that has been the football world’s only superpower, even before they owned their own air force. So I’m not throwing shade at any of them when I say that this list reads like it was written by someone who spent the last 16 years with no one to talk to but a volleyballfriend, got this as an assignment from his editor and crammed for it by watching the four Patriots episodes of “America’s Game.”
My problems:
–First of all, how to you not take the low-hanging fruit that is putting The Holy Trinity as your 1-2-3? In other words, how is Mr. Kraft not No. 3. At least. Without him spending $175 million on the team in 1994, there’s no Vinateri. No Scarnecchia. No Belichick or Brady. No Gillette Stadium. No Air Force Won. In fact, there’s no pro football in New England and I’d have been forced to raise two sons in the jersey of a sleepy-eyed, mouth-breathing Eli fucking Manning. You can’t take the man responsible for you having a list of Most Important Patriots and put him at 7th on the list. It’s like making a list of the Most Important first 16 Presidents and putting Washington 7th.
–How could Ty Law possibly be only 14th? Arguably the best player not named Brady on those three Super Bowl winners. The man who’s Pick-6 on Kurt Warner drew first blood in Super Bowl XXXVI. Who tortured Peyton Manning with three picks in the playoffs the week after he posted a perfect passer rating. You can have a rational discussion about whether he belongs in Canton. But if you think there have been 13 more important Patriots than him in this era, you’re delusional.
–Law’s Pick-6 was created by Mike Vrabel, deceiving the defense by putting his hand on the ground for the first time all game to get in Warner’s grillmix and force the ball out too soon. He not only anchored that left defensive end spot, he caught 10 touchdowns, including two in Super Bowl wins that were decided by three points. And he’s nowhere on this list.
–The best player of those early winners besides Brady and Law was Richard Seymour. Sure, Vinatieri belongs on it. No clutch field goals, no championships. But the reason Vinatieri got the chance to tie the game in the Snow Bowl was a rookie Seymour cut through the Oakland line on 3rd & inches to upend Zack Crockett to force a punt and keep hope a live. The prototype of the Belichick 5-tech defensive end who teams had to gameplan for every week, and he doesn’t make the top 16 is nuts.
–I take a backseat to no man when it comes to Josh McDaniels appreciation. And I’ve got the court order to stay out of his garbage cans to prove it. But Charlie Weis brought this offense with him from the Jets, raised Brady to play it and trained McDaniels to coach it. And won three rings with it. Just because he was an abject failure everywhere else doens’t mean the guy who installed the Perkins-Erhardt system should be replaced by the guy he taught it to.
–This will sound like blasphemy, but does Randy Moss belong on here at all? He burned with the white hot intensity of a thousand galaxies for one year. Then was really, really good for a couple of more. Then finally couldn’t keep the cap screwed onto to his bottle of crazy and it exploded all over the place in his fourth year and they traded him mid-season. Then they brought back Deion Branch and the offense got better. I loved Moss. I wasn’t even mad when he eventually lost his mind. But with a franchise that measures success in championships, I’ll take Super Bowl MVP Branch on his list over Moss, his individual performances and zero rings.
Aside from that, good job, Bill Simmons employee. Good effort. But next time come to me for advice.