Gay Pat's Take: Pope's Right Hand Man Caught At A Big Gay Vatican Orgy

Note:  Once again, Jerry Thornton has cucked me on the best gay story of the day.  But I will not be silenced.  Dave hired me to cover gay news and that’s exactly what I plan on doing.  You tell me there’s a big gay orgy at the Vatican I’m blogging about the big gay orgy at the fucking Vatican and I will not delete it if someone else beats me to it, that’s a promise.  

Source -  Vatican police have broken up a gay orgy at the home of the secretary to one of Pope Francis’s key advisers, it has been reported. The flat belonged to the Vatican’s Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, which is in charge of tackling clerical sexual abuse. Reports in Italy claim the occupant of the apartment is allegedly the secretary to Cardinal Francesco Coccopalmerio – a key aide to the 80-year-old Pope.

Coccopalmerio heads the Pontifical Council for Legislative texts and was said to have once recommended his secretary for a promotion to bishop. It is the latest scandal to hit the Vatican and comes after its finance chief Cardinal George Pell was charged with historical sexual offences.

Pell has protested his innocence and said he was looking forward to having his day in court after a two-year investigation, ‘leaks to the media’ and ‘relentless character assassination’.  In March the Vatican was hit with a wave of lurid accusations of misbehaving priests across Italy with scandals involving orgies, prostitution and porn videos.

The claims were embarrassing to the Vatican, which under Pope Francis has attempted to demand high standards of the clergy. Francis has tried to clamp down on unethical behavior ever since being made Pope in 2013 and has often spoken out against the pitfalls of ‘temptation’.

Dorm party! I’ve seen porn’s like this; a bunch of bros hanging out in the flat, someone breaks out the holy water, next thing you know everyones fucking. Only thing is, that’s a porn. These are priests. Priests in charge of stopping sexual abuse in the church. I’ll give credit where credit is due, it is a step in the right direction. Fucking each other is way better than fucking kids. Regardless, not a good look for the pontiff. Come to think of it, when’s the last time the Pontiff has had a good look? The guy’s the Sean Spicer of religion; constantly making excuses for the shitty things his shitty organization does.

Religion is like athletics, they’re the only ones who still care if people are gay. Even the priests are okay with it. They just fake like it’s a big deal so they don’t lose their job. Which is the crazy because priests are the gayest people on earth. What straight man would willingly give up sex with women to go live in a dorm with a bunch of dudes? For. Life.

I’d like to know how they got caught. Did they play “lamb of god” too loud? Did father Tom knock something over voguing through the pew? Whatever the case I’m sure the cops were surprised when they got there. Or maybe they weren’t? Vatican police are like campus PD. The probably get calls to the dorms all the time. Makes sense, they have unlimited booze.

That being said, I’m okay with the priest orgy. Sure, it’s disgusting to think about but it probably does wonders for their mental health. They’re probably so backed up they can’t think straight. Everyone needs a release. Besides, you have to have a clear head to preach the gospel of the lord. Priest gay is like prison gay. They’re only doing it because they think it’s their only option.