Sadly, Gau Kerketta Has Died After Having His Testicles Ruptured During A Cockfight

A woman has been accused of killing her father-in-law by squeezing his testicles during a row about a cockfight.
Police say victim Gau Kerketta dropped dead on the spot after his son’s wife, Anima Kharia, lunged at him and grabbed his genitals like a vice.
He had been trying to defuse a bust up between Kharia and his son Bhairaw after the pair’s rooster lost a fight in India.
‘The couple was probably drunk,’ said police officer Ashok Kumar. ‘The father-in-law tried to pacify them but the woman grabbed his testicles and squeezed them.
‘The man died on the spot.’

It is with a heavy heart that I announce the passing of longtime stoolie Gau Kerketta, who died outside of his home after having the life literally squeezed from his testicles. Not good.

Everyone knows that I’m a romantic. I love love. When one of my friends falls in love, I get so happy. I’m flying on cloud nine because I know that they are just beaming on the inside. I rarely ever root for divorce. Divorce can be a nasty, nasty thing. Hate it.

That being said, I’m not sure I could stay with a woman who killed my father by squeezing his testicles until he died. You’d be nervous as all get out every time you went to bump some uglies. Can’t have that. The blood starts to really flow to your cock (which causes an erection if I remember correctly) and all you can think about is the time that your wife squeezed your dad’s dates until his nuts looked like a crown royal bag. Very unsightly!

I would regret not mentioning the horrors of cockfighting here. Sure the act itself is pretty gross. Making animals fight for our entertainment isn’t the most couth thing you can do, but the real danger is being around other people who cock fight. Just a flat out crazy crew to be around. When I woke up this morning, if you were standing over my bed in order to give me my morning news briefing like you do every day and you said, “Our friend Gua Kerketta has died due to the rupturing of his testicles,” the first thing I would have asked about is whether or not he was around cockfighting again. You’d say yes; I’d sigh knownlingly. Unbelievable. I hate being right about stuff like this.