Carson Wentz Hopping Like A Happy Honkey On Stage To Fergie Isn't The Worst Thing In The World

BREAKING: Carson Wentz is one outrageously corny white dude. Wait, we all already knew that. First off, North Dakota going ham over Tonight’s Gonna Be A Good Night in 2017 may be the most North Dakota thing ever. And I don’t hate it. But there’s plenty of other things our franchise QB could be doing with his spare time (Like studying film or the playbook if he really wants to win, amiright?). He could be out slaying everything in sight, partying like a maniac, and living the overall dream of a budding NFL superstar quarterback. But nope. This kid is as innocent as a lamb, and we don’t need to see him get slaughtered. Him going White Man Ham on stage at a freaking Fergie concert should not only be allowed, but encouraged. If anything, I love it because it takes away from my certified cracker-factory moves when I’m doing anything that resembles a dance. I still don’t know what this move is and, quite frankly, I don’t want to know.

So do you, Carson. But just don’t let your offseason get too turnt. Seriously. Those Fergie concerts and Skype Bible sessions may one day be a slippery slope to getting loaded up on Pixie Stixs and sneaking off into the bathroom with a SI Swimsuit issue.