Throwing Avocados At A Bodega Clerk's Face From Point Blank Range Is Some Psycho Shit

NY Post- Two men were caught on video launching avocados at a Bronx bodega worker — breaking the man’s jaw with the succulent fruit.

The men went on the wild fruit-slinging spree in the Stadium Gourmet Deli near Yankee Stadium after an argument about their food order at about 4:45 p.m. on May 29, according to police. After being viciously pelted with both avocados and bananas, the 21-year-old bodega clerk was taken to Lincoln Hospital. The victim suffered cuts and fractures to his face as well as a broken jaw.

Look at this sick motherfucker and his flunky sidekick acting like he they are Dellin Betances and Roldy Chapman closing one out for the Bronx Bombers by rifling avocados at this dude’s melon just because he got their order wrong. That is as egregious, if not more so, than any sucker punch that have been posted on this blog. The clerk is just minding his business and then POW, an avocado firing squad makes guacamole out of his jaw while he isn’t even looking. An avocado has to be the worst fruit to have thrown at you, right? An unripe avocado is basically a rock with a solid core inside. At least apples and oranges and bananas have some give to them. An avocado will fuck your shit up for days. At least Mrs. Doubtfire had the elegance and grace to light Pierce Brosnan’s noggin up with a lime.

The worst part about this is there no way this kid could have seen it coming. I imagine working at a bodega in the South Bronx grants you the opportunity to see people from alllll walks of life at all times of the day. I had to take the kid to the ER last Friday (she’s fine), but the characters and weirdos that come out of the woodwork because of an emergency on Friday night is, as a Stoolie put it, like a Star Wars bar. Even in the burbs. But the suburban ER on any night doesn’t hold a candle to what people that work at bodegas and convenience stores in New York City see. That’s probably why his guard was down. 4:45 a.m. is when you almost expect drunk assholes to throw shit at your head. But 4:45 p.m.? No way Jose.

Then again, maybe this guy should have expected this. I’m hate to go full McNulty, but a quick glance at the schedule tells me that the Yankees played a home game at 1 p.m. on May 29th. This bodega is clearly located near Yankee Stadium. Ipso facto these two dickheads could have gotten liquored up watching the Yanks hang 11 of the O’s and then broke an innocent man’s jaw, probably while chanting “Aa-ron Juuuudge”. Sad to see Yankees fans reverting back to their sterotypically violent ways now that their team is competitive again.