Abandoned Baby Found In Jonas Brothers Backpack Outside A Grocery Store

USA Today- A newborn baby girl was found abandoned outside a Tempe, Arizona, grocery store on Sunday night, leading police on a search to identify her.

The Tempe Police Department has released the 911 call and an updated photo of the newborn. The girl was found wrapped in a blanket inside a Jonas Brothers backpack, which was placed inside a shopping cart in a Food City parking lot.

A pedestrian spotted the baby in the cart and told the store’s manager, who called 9-1-1 about 7:45 p.m. 

The manager told the local fire department over the phone that the child was likely a newborn.

“The [umbilical] cord was cut, but it’s still attached,” the manager said. 

When I first read this, I thought that one of the Jonas brothers had left a new baby in his backpack at the grocery store. This made me wonder how people knew the backpack belonged to a Jonas brother. Like did he write his name on the tag inside? Are the Jonas brothers doing so poorly that they put their contact info on book bags so people can return them? Also, which Jonas brother? They’re not a band anymore, so why wouldn’t we specify whether it was Nick, Joe, or Kevin? Very vague journalism to say it was a Jonas Brothers backpack.

But then I learned that the Jonas Brothers have a line of backpacks, and now I want one, but I’d like the no-baby model please. Especially if it’s a baby fresh out of the womb, trailing its umbilical cord like a loose headphone wire. I want my babies ship-shape and ready for life. Can’t be making trips to the barber to trim up that umbilical cord; I’ve got a job now.

By the way, this little girl is the next Mia Hamm or lady Moses or something. “I was abandoned in a Jonas Brothers backpack at a grocery store” is the best first sentence of an autobiography ever. Talk about overcoming adversity. Nike should sign her immediately. I’m sure they could use another child on their payroll.