Here Are My Top 3 Picks To Win 'The Bachelorette' Based Solely On Looks (Gay Pat's Top-3 Also Included)

Trent5/18/2017 8:35 PM

Annnnnnnnnnd we’re back! One of the best days of the year was yesterday. Not Christmas. Not the 4th of July. Nope. Yesterday was better than all of those days combined. It was the day that the field of constants for The Bachelorette was announced. It’s one of my favorite days of the year by far. Just poring through 30 profiles and dissecting them with expert precision. But first, I like to scroll through the contestants and pick out a Final 4 simply based on their looks. Oh you think it’s weird to pick out hot guys? Welcome to 2017 bub. I’ll pick out hot guys every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

Without further ado! Let’s fucking roll

3. Will

If Will’s face doesn’t say “we’ll make passionate love until sunrise and then I’ll make the best Denver omelette you’ve ever had” then nobody’s face does. Looks like the nicest dude in the world. Cheek bone city. That smile gets even the most loyal girlfriend out of her pants. He’s making the finals and I’d bet my entire bank account on it.

2. Jack Stone

I know I said I was basing these picks solely on looks but if you don’t think a guy named Jack fucking Stone is making it to the end then you’re a goddamn idiot. Jack Stone is the strongest name a person can have. Easily the strongest name in the field. It’s no mistake that Jack Stone is the only guy who has both his first name and last name listed. You don’t have the name Jack Stone and not flaunt it at every opportunity. Everybody in the house better dress him as Jack Stone every time they talk to him. Not Jack. Not Stoner. Not Stoney. It’s Jack Stone.

1. Alex

I get the feeling that I’m gonna catch heat for that pick. Those people are idiots. Alex is better looking than all of the other dudes and by a pretty wide margin. He’s a smoke. I haven’t seen any other pictures of Alex but I’m willing to admit that picture doesn’t do Alex justice. BUT I can tell that Alex is going to look great in a suit and that’s 79% of the battle on The Bachelorette. Alex is gonna step outta that limo on the first night, dressed to the nines and looking like a ten. His face stubble works on every level. Here’s your winner based solely on looks.

Honorable Mention- Bryce AKA Smitty’s long lost brother