Japanese Princess Mako Leaving The Royal Family Like An Idiot To Marry For Love

Japanese Princess Mako, the eldest granddaughter of Emperor Akihito, will give up her royal status to marry a former classmate who once worked as a “Prince of the Sea” to promote tourism.

Japanese media reported the union would stoke debate on the ever-shrinking royal family since the princess must become a commoner after she marries.

The country’s cabinet is expected to approve a bill on Friday to allow Akihito, 83, to step down, the first abdication by a Japanese emperor in nearly two centuries, after he said last August he feared age would make it hard to fulfil his duties.

I don’t issue many absolute declarations on this website because I believe that life is better suited living in the gray area. I do, however, feel comfortable saying that I will never leave the Japanese royal family. Ever.

Can you imagine what it must feel like waving to all the poors as they cheer your very existence? It’d be dynamic. I’d be drunk off of power. So if some fuck boy tourist officer was trying to woo me, he better take his monkey and his flying carpet face ass somewhere else. I’m not having it. Fuckin stealing apples like a peasant. Embarrassing. Although, I’d be mad impressed if he could slide down laundry lines with his bare feet. Rope burn, much?

Sure, arranged marriages can suck. You know what doesn’t suck? Being a princess. You trying to tell me that you’d give up ELECTRIC parties like this?

God damn. It’s darty season in Japan, yall. I’d be drinking habu sake until the fucking kobe beef cows came home.

Get your shit together, Mako. Gomen’nasai if this offends, my good Meinu.