The President Of Zimbabwe Doesn't Keep Falling Asleep At UN Meetings, He's Just Protecting His Eyes

(Source) — Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe’s spokesman has hit back at critics who accuse him of being asleep at public events when his eyes appear to be closed, saying the 93 year old is in fact protecting them from bright lights. George Charamba was quoted by the state-owned Herald newspaper as saying that Mr Mugabe travels regularly to Singapore to receive specialised treatment for an eye condition. He added that “the rest of his body gets attended to” in Zimbabwe by a physician who is not only Zimbabwean but “is actually black”.

Can’t tell you how much I love this move from Robert Mugabe. Anyone who’s ever had a dad (sorry if you didn’t, don’t mean to trigger you) has heard this excuse. Pops could be on the couch for two hours, sweating beer in his hand, head back, rattling the room with his snoring and the second you shake him and ask if he’s sleeping he’ll pop-up like a tornado siren just went off and act like the most awake person alive. “What? Was I sleeping? Was I SLEEPING?!? No. No. Absolutely not. I was just resting my eyes.”

No one loves to sleep more than old men but no one is more afraid to admit it. It’s an affront to their masculinity. “Heck no I wasn’t sleeping! I used to walk to school and get beat with rulers by nuns and I raised four kids and I mow the lawn and I go to work at the crack of dawn. Sleep?! Sleep is for the weak!”

Get over it, nerds. Naps are awesome. Whether you’re on the couch or in an important UN meeting there’s nothing that’s better than not being conscious. I’d sleep for the rest of my life if I could and would use my last breath to tell everyone in the room “you’re fucking right I’m napping.”